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When my kids were younger, my daughter showed traits of being a highly sensitive person. Ultimately, we found out that wasn't the case, and there were other reasons for her quirks, but there was still a lot that resonated with me in this book I recently got to review, The Sensitive Ones: Healing and Understanding Your Child’s Mental Health .
The book is written as a memoir, one parent writing about her experiences. She is very up front that what they did in terms of mental health was right for their family, their specific situation, and not necessarily the best decision for everyone. One thing that I loved, though, was the way that she viewed things not as a "disorder" but as a trait. Having a child with ADHD and another one with ASD, we've had those discussions in our house too, and have really worked with our kids to work with the way their brains work, not against them.
Why did you write this book?
I wrote The Sensitive Ones to share my family's journey and provide a different perspective on mental illness. I want people to understand that diagnoses are not always straightforward and that there could be other underlying issues, especially when it comes to children. In our case, we discovered that our daughter was a sensitive empath, as I am. We needed to make significant changes for her sake and the future generations of our family. I hope those dealing with similar situations will find some comfort and understanding in these pages.
How can parents and caregivers recognize HSP characteristics in their kids?
Parents, caregivers, and teachers all need to recognize the signs of a highly sensitive child (HSC). HSCs are incredibly responsive to their environments, picking up on the moods and emotions of those around them as well as the subtleties in their surroundings, like lighting, noise, and smells. These kids are often hyper-aware of what's happening around them, and they process information very deeply. Because of this heightened awareness and sensitivity, highly sensitive children are often gifted intellectually, creatively, and emotionally. They may show signs of genuine compassion at early ages.
Here are some common traits of HSC:
- They are observant and aware of what's happening around them
- They perceive subtle emotional nuances in other people
- They are responsive to their environments—the lighting, sounds, smells, or moods of the people around them
- They have a deep imagination and likely enjoy creative activities like drawing or music
- They are emotional and empathetic toward others (and often cry when others do)
- They are easily overwhelmed when they encounter new situations, crowds, loud noises, or sudden changes
- Because of this heightened awareness, they may show signs of genuine compassion at early ages
Being an HSC is not a disorder but rather a set of unique traits.
How can adults make sure they're being equitable to their kids even if they don't all have the same needs?
When it comes to raising children, it’s easy to slip into a one-size-fits-all approach. But each child has their own personality, interests, and learning style—and that’s why trying to treat all of your kids the same way isn’t always effective. When raising a highly sensitive child, it can be hard to know how to balance the needs of one child with a different temperament than your other children. Try to understand their sensitivities and why their reactions are so strong.
It’s essential to keep things fair for everyone involved. The last thing you want is for one child to feel like they’re getting treated differently from their sibling. Here are some ways that you can be equitable to them even if they don't all have the same needs:
1. Take time to validate your kids' emotions, it helps them feel better about their feelings when they have them.
2. Talk to each child about their needs.
3. Don't play favorites!
4. Embrace their differences and give each child opportunities to shine in their way.
It's important to remember that all kids need support and encouragement growing up. You should never encourage one child at the expense of the other. Everyone deserves to learn healthy coping mechanisms to deal with life's ups and downs
On a similar note, if kids have different needs how can parents and caregivers help them see that what's right for each kid might look different?
When it comes to raising children, one of the most important things you can do is let them know that they are loved and valued. But sometimes, what works for one child won't work for another, and when this is the case, it can be hard to decide how to approach the situation.
One of the best ways to do this is to talk about what makes each child unique, their strengths, and how you can celebrate those parts together. A great way to do this is to tell stories about what makes each child special. This will not only help you understand the differences between your kids on a deeper level, but it will also give them a chance to learn more about themselves by sharing with others.
In addition, it may be helpful for your children who have different needs to learn about these differences from other sources: books and movies that show characters who experience similar challenges can help normalize those experiences in their minds.
It's important to remember that even if your kids are different, they still need love and reassurance. So how can you help your kids feel loved and understood? Here are some tips:
- Give each kid plenty of one-on-one time, especially when you're talking about something they care about.
- Give each kid equal amounts of positive attention and praise.
- Encourage each kid to spend time with people outside their family—even if that means going to school and making friends, sports, or other activities.
The key is understanding what makes your child tick. What are their strengths? What is it that they need from you, as a parent and a caregiver to feel safe and secure so they can shine?
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