Wednesday, July 20, 2022

Book Nook: It Is All About Me! Breaking Cycles and Loving Who I Am

 In her thirties, Stacia Sims embarked on an intense journey toward self-discovery when her therapist posed a simple question: “What does love mean?” Unable to articulate an answer, Sims suddenly realized what had been blocking her path toward healing. 

“That was my first realization that I had never been taught or shown unconditional love. Not by my parents and not by the world,” she wrote in the prologue to her new book, It Is All About Me!: Breaking Cycles and Loving Who I Am.

In this collection of true stories about her life, Sims unpacks the impact of an upbringing in a narcissistic family where love had to be earned, her true self had to be hidden and generational cycles needed to be broken. 

Her journey led her to the realization that what happened in her past doesn’t define her present or her future, and it is her aim with this book to show readers that, with the right mindset and guidance, this can be their truth, too.

“Being true to yourself can sometimes make others uncomfortable,” Stacia said. “But another person’s discomfort should not become your burden to resolve. Stop carrying other people’s baggage.”

It Is All About Me! is loaded with insights on what real, authentic love means and how to embrace one’s true self.

“If you find your life revolving around others’ expectations or desires, it’s time to allow your journey to be about you for a change,” Sims added.

You can learn more in this interview.

We're often encouraged to make sure we aren't being selfish - but how is it actually a benefit and need to think about ourselves?

The first thing is to understand what selfish truly looks like. Selfish is full of spite and taking care of oneself doesn’t have spite as an ingredient. Learning the difference between selfishness, self-care, and selflessness was a milestone for me. I learned that I was never and could never be a selfish person. 

What the heck does self-care even mean? While visiting with my therapist, I told her I was tired and craving peace. She asked me some questions, and when I answered, she said that what I was describing was self-care. I learned that by making time for my wants and needs, I have more to give to others. When I get plenty of rest, I have more to give. When my needs are met, I have more patience and understanding for the needs of others. It sounds simple yet is so hard for some of us. Making and taking time for myself on a regular basis, recharges and restores me. 

Some of my simple (Yet if you’re a selfless person this might be very hard. But be strong for yourself. You can do this.) self-care tips:

  • I stretch my body every day. It started with touching my toes (even if my knees are bent) to stretching other parts of my body. 

  • When answering a simple question such as “What’s for dinner?” what I want is important too. 

  • Quiet time and space to do whatever I want. I usually sit quietly or sip some tea. Sometimes 10-minutes is all I need and when I need more time, I make more time for myself.

  • What are my goals in life? That’s very different from making choices about how I can plug into the goals of others.

Why is it important to recognize cycles that need to be broken in our lives?

Breaking cycles is growth for us. When the next generation sees this example, it gives them permission to grow. Doing the same things over and over through generations, usually nets the same results. Some cycles I chose to break are: 

  • being angry instead of choosing happiness and joy

  • being judgmental instead of letting others live their own life

  • expecting that my way was the only correct way

  • self-care is not selfish

  • there’s a big difference in caring for and enabling someone

  • being blood relatives doesn’t mean that there is a bond 

What do you hope readers will take away from your book?

I’ve gotten a lot of different feedback from people, and I think the take-away will be a matter of perspective. What I hope that most learn, is that your past doesn’t define your present. Make sure your beliefs are yours. If you have a belief that doesn’t ring true to you, let it go! Growing away from what you were taught as a child doesn’t mean that you love your family less. My perspective, my choices, my actions are what defines my present moment. The next moment is not guaranteed. 

About the Author

Stacia Sims has a formal education with a BS in Computer Science, but she is using the practical education that was picked up along life’s path to start her second act. Through therapy and surrounding herself with authentic friends and mentors, she was able to shape her education beyond the narrow and limiting life skills that her parents had to offer. 

Sims lives in Florida with her wife and sweet dog, Lilly. It is the view of the water and the incredible sunrises that inspire her to write and tap into her creativity. Her love of books and passion for helping others has inspired her to write her second book — an instructional book with details about managing personal finances.

Connect with Sims on Facebook at Stacia M Sims, or check out her blog at

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