Family law attorney Raiford Dalton Palmer, author of the Amazon bestseller “I Just Want This Done,” said the presumption that both parents should get the same amount of time with the kids after a divorce, called “equal time” parenting, may not be the best approach for children of divorcing couples. It’s a trend gaining momentum across several states, with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis recently vetoing a bill to require it.
“In some cases, ‘equal time’ can work out well,” said Palmer, who is a partner at the Chicago- based STG Divorce Law. “If the two parents get along, live close to each other and important places like schools and have jobs that are compatible with trading the kids off for blocs of time, ‘equal time’ works great, but those conditions aren’t always in place. Equal time parenting laws are well-intentioned but replace a flexible standard with a one-size fits all rule.”
Palmer explains why this can be tricky.
First, he noted, if parents get along, they’re not battling in court over the children to begin with. For many parents, especially now with rising interest rates and home prices, finding a second home near school and the kids’ activities is also unlikely. And then there’s work, with some parents having flexible work schedules that let them pick the kids up at school and others working long hours or having jobs that require them to be away from home for periods of time.
Equal-time laws also assume a magical parity between parents that doesn’t exist, he said. The intention behind equal time laws is to avoid litigation and promote the concept that both parents are equally important in a child’s life. Palmer agrees with the idea behind it – but thinks t he execution is heavy-handed and moves too far in the other direction.
“Parenting isn’t an exact science, with perfectly scheduled blocs of time,” he added. “Most days, outside of school, life is random and imperfect for children as it is, and flexibility rather than rigidity is the key.”
Palmer emphasizes that the point isn’t just the quantity of time you spend with your kids, it’s the quality of the time and frequency of time spent. Being at the sports events, Scouts, and driving the kids to and from friends’ homes is as important as the percentage of time allocated to the children in a court order. Kids don’t care about court orders – they want to spend time with both of their parents and avoid fighting and stress between them.
“As a divorce lawyer, I’ve handled my share of custody cases, and I’ve seen many discussions over parenting arrangements veer into attempts to be mathematically precise about how much time each side gets,” said Palmer. “I call these kinds of people ‘balance sheet parents.’ The parents are obsessing over numbers rather than thinking about what is best for the children. In these cases, the kids are sadly beside the point.”
To learn more about Palmer’s new book “I Just Want This Done,” visit: https://www.
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About STG Divorce Law
Founded in 1994 by Raiford Dalton Palmer, who is author of the Amazon bestseller “I Just Want This Done,” STG Divorce Law is a premier family law firm serving the greater Chicago area focusing on complex divorce cases, especially those involving high-income earners including collaborative divorce, mediation, child custody, and post-divorce matters as well as premarital/post-marital agreements. The firm has office locations in Chicago, Park Ridge, Elmhurst, Naperville, and St. Charles, Illinois. To learn more, visit: www.stglawfirm.com.
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