Single moms have a lot on their hands, from managing career responsibilities to not only raising their children -- but also protecting them from both onsite and online dangers while on the Internet.
And, with summertime being here, and with many children being out of school, this means kids have more time on their hands to do everything from chatting with friends online, to traveling, to visiting relatives, or to just hanging out more with other kids on their block.
But some experts say this extra free time means that single parents have to be even more vigilant when it comes to child safety and protection.
Tania Haigh is founder of the Kids Too Movement, an organization designed to protect children from online dangers, and co-founder of Parents Against Child Sex Abuse (P.A.X.A.). Tania also once oversaw family, kids and Happy Meal marketing for McDonald’s USA during her marketing career so she knows about the importance of appropriate and inappropriate digital marketing images and messaging for families and kids. I had a chance to interview her to learn more about summertime safety for single moms.
1. What are some of the summertime activities that parents need to be most aware of in terms of safety needs?
For many kids and parents alike, summertime brings joy and the freedom of breaking away from the routine and schedule of the school year. However, this type of freedom can reduce some of the safeguards that a school setting brings, meaning parents have to rely on camps or child care from a relative to do the same. Many of these activities may seem harmless in the scope of childhood, but it's these mundane scenarios, in fact, that we as moms need to monitor.
For example, with structured camps, moms should feel empowered to inquire about safety policies in the camp setting so no child is put in an uncomfortable situation with an adult. Likewise, summertime outings like the family reunion at the park, BBQs at Grandma’s house, time at the lakehouse, or a kid’s birthday party where adults are drinking—all of these should be monitored for inappropriate behavior. Though it may be hard to accept, in 90% of child sexual abuse circumstances, the harm is committed by someone the child and family knows. As such, these in-person activities should drive conversation where the child is encouraged to share their experiences (fun, and not-so-fun) with Mom.
Another indirect (and seemingly unavoidable) summertime activity involves kids using their devices to fill in time and/or stave off boredom at home. It took the COVID-19 pandemic to expose the magnitude of child exploitation happening in our country, as more than 21.7 million cases of inappropriate incidents have been reported to the CyberTipline (run by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) in the last couple of years.
This tragedy has developed primarily as a result of the pervasive child sexual abuse happening on well-known media platforms such as YouTube, Facebook, Snapchat, TikTok and Instagram, to name just a few. Even though our kids want to chill over the summer, it’s still a great time to talk with them about online safety and to establish limits for device use—and, if necessary, use available reporting tools to notify officials about child sexual abuse material and block online predators that may be grooming a child.
2. Why are single moms particularly vulnerable when it comes to overseeing their kids, and how can they protect their kids better?
Single moms deserve to be supported as they navigate solo parenting, which also drives more challenges in balancing work and life and creates more emotional struggles, financial stress, and pressure to make decisions. Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, single moms experienced high unemployment rates and were more likely to exit the labor force than single fathers or women without children. Compounding their struggles, single moms also faced mounting child care issues of access, availability, and affordability.
With all these reasons combined, it’s clear that single moms are in survival mode while doing their best to protect their kids. For most moms, however, it’s also easy to get caught up in the neverending state of overwhelm. Single moms have to tackle foundational priorities for their kids that are usually shared in two-parent households. For these and other reasons, the biggest ‘watch out’ for single moms is being a magnet to sexual predators.
Sadly, predators are hiding in plain sight, disguised as churchgoers, neighbors, coaches, and more. They seek to exploit vulnerabilities to get access to kids, and in the case of single moms, they often offer moms a much-needed break and help with the kids. It’s in these circumstances that single moms should be aware that they are a target. In addition to awareness, they can also get equipped to identify predatory red flags of those in trusted positions through resources like the PAXA Pointers Curriculum.
3. What are some summertime safety tips that parents need to be aware of.
- Be aware that predators are among us. Summertime brings fun opportunities to travel, which often means a child could be traveling on a plane solo to visit the other parent or to spend part of the summer with relatives. Being aware that predators can lurk in airports will help moms equip their kids to observe their surroundings and know what to do if they feel they’re in danger. In addition, with regard to relatives, it’s important to know that in 90% of instances of child sexual abuse, the predator causing harm is someone the child and family knows. So it’s important for single moms to teach their kids to always communicate with them immediately if anyone (stranger, friend, or relative) initiates any inappropriate touching or exploitative behavior.
2. Keep tabs on who is around your child—both in person and online. With school out for summer break, kids can have varied routines…or no routine at all. This lack of structure combined with a lot of extra free time can lead to excessive use of devices as well as more time spent online using social media sites like Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Facebook or even gaming on Roblox and other gaming sites. During these activities, kids may find comfort in making connections online, the nebulous concept of “online friends.” But sometimes developing these online friendships means your children are interacting with total strangers who have managed to connect with them. These “online friends” work on building trusting relationships that can lead to offline dangers, such as agreeing to meet in person. Unfortunately, there are too many unknowns about the real identities of these online avatars. So, single moms, just like it’s important to know what friends are hanging out with your children IRL (in real life), monitoring your kids’ online conversations and perhaps eliminating some of their “online friends” is also a significant key to their safety.
3. Be clear about boundaries. Summer is a great season for outings and social gatherings, such as the annual family BBQ at Grandma’s house, block parties bringing neighbors together, or family reunions at the park. Your children may be exposed to lesser-known extended family members who fly in from out of town or neighbors from down the street who consume alcohol around them. In order to feel more at ease, single moms should educate and prepare their children for these social events. Have a conversation with your children about what to watch out for and what it might look like or feel like if an adult or older child/teen makes an inappropriate advance toward them. Also, remind them of your love and protection and that there are no secrets that need to be kept from Mom.
4. Have the “privacy” conversation. As parents, we often think of the school year as the time to get back in the swing of having key conversations with our kids, but in reality, digital safety is one conversation that should be happening year round. Most kids get access to gaming like Roblox and social media channels like TikTok when they’re far too young—long before parents can explain to their kids how important it is for them to keep certain information private. Remind your kids that maintaining privacy—which also keeps them safe—includes not revealing their real names via avatars or account names, never sharing their address or physical location, and never revealing anything about their bodies by taking, sharing, or uploading inappropriate images.
5. Do what you can. Admittedly, single moms face many challenges and obstacles in raising their kids—yet there is support available specifically to keep moms informed and empowered. Keeping your children safe over the summer may mean shifting the talks you have with them from questions like “how was your day at school?” to topics such as “how did it go at your dad’s?” and “who are you gaming with?” and “did anyone make you feel uncomfortable at the pool?” At the end of the day, we want all moms to know that staying involved in your kids’ lives is the key to keeping them safe.
Looking for some summer reading to become even more informed on how to protect your kids? Organizations like Parents Against Child Sex Abuse offer more ways to keep kids safe with their PAXA Pointers Curriculum and the KIDS TOO movement, including a “Watch Out” list for parents.
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