Healthy Habits: Recognizing Forms of Abuse

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Every day, thousands of people are impacted by domestic violence. When we think of domestic violence, typically the first thing that may pop into our minds is physical violence. However, domestic violence also includes emotional and financial abuse, things that are more subtle, but that can be very damaging to peoples’ lives.

 Emotional abuse - some of the types of abuse that are under this category are humiliation, yelling, character assassination, public embarrassment, insulting, criticizing, infidelity, making threats, gaslighting, control of decisions and whereabouts, giving orders, unpredictability and destroying property. There are dozens of aspects of emotional abuse that may seem trivial by themselves, but are signs of larger problems in interpersonal relationships.Financial abuse - often in cases of domestic violence, there are aspects of financial abuse as well. It involves controlling a person’s finances, whether that’s access to accounts, exploiting a victim’s resources, job interference, withholding shared money from shared accounts, refusing to pay child support or making threats to be cut off from money or forced signatures on financial documents.

In Corie Adjmi’s debut novel, “Life and Other Shortcomings,” we see some of these forms of abuse displayed throughout the book. As the characters grow up, get married, have children and get divorced, readers see the complexities of all types of relationships and how they play out in the characters’ journeys.

Sometimes we may not see or recognize these things in our own lives, but encountering them in a book can help us identify similar patterns in our own lives. Understanding how to identify abusive behaviors allows us as individuals and as partners to both be better and to understand that we deserve kind and loving treatment from our loved ones.                  
I had a chance to interview award-winning author Corie Adjmi about different forms of abuse.

Why is it important for people to be aware of things like emotional and financial abuse?

 

Awareness is always the first step. Without identifying a problem, you can’t address it. But once something is taken out of the dark, acknowledged, and named, we can begin to offer solutions. Solutions may include education, support, and other resources like therapy. Individuals heal when they come to understand that they are not messed up, but that what happened to them was messed up.

How can people recognize the signs of these types of abuse in their own relationships?

 

Our emotions. Often our anger is a sign that we are being neglected or violated in some way. There is much research showing that our bodies store our unresolved trauma. Storytelling is a way to pay attention, change our narratives, author our own lives. This is just one path on a complicated journey, a useful tool leading to processing and healing.

How can people support others who may be in an abusive relationship?

For those of us who are not mental health professionals, we can still attempt to lessen someone’s pain and shame. We can provide safety, compassion, and love. We can listen, acknowledge, and empathize. And (maybe) most importantly, we offer someone the opportunity to connect.