Caring Connections: Susan Shapiro Barash Interview (Author of A Passion for More)

Leading gender expert and bestselling author Susan Shapiro Barash lends her insights on affairs, especially in light of the Holmes-Robach affair. Her latest book, “A Passion for More” focuses on infidelity which is a subject Barash has been researching for three decades. As a side note, her research is the inspiration for the new podcast, “She Wants More” hosted by best-selling, award-winning host Jo Piazza and explores the reasons women have extramarital affairs launching Valentine’s Day.

*The stakes are very high when it involves two high profile people, and yet it is still compelling enough for an affair to happen.

* It is interesting how there has been a distinction between the repercussions of female infidelity versus male infidelity, historically, yet in this story, the result is the same. Two divorces in the works and being asked to leave the show for a period of time. 

*It seems this affair was a thunderbolt -- meaning both parties were married with a family, they met, worked together and the longing went beyond their vows and promises to their spouses. This happens and these are the most difficult types of affairs/ love affairs/ for women to navigate. 

*An affair has a life of its own -- just think of this event and know how it can spiral and how affairs can impact lives.

I had a chance to interview her to learn more.

How did you get interested in researching the topic of infidelity?

I have always  been intrigued by the faces women wear versus how they truly feel in contemporary society. When I first began my study, I had been hearing about several women having affairs and wanted to investigate. Was it a trend, how did the women feel, how did they manage husbands, children, careers and a lover?  How did they keep it a secret and were they convention-bound women - which they were. 

 

What are the different types of affairs?

I have identified four types of affairs: 

*Empowering Affairs: Women have more opportunity and earning power today. The affair is available if they so choose.  

*Sex-Driven Affairs: The women only seek the sex, not the emotional component of an affair.

*Love Affairs: These affairs are unanticipated and change the status quo.

*Self-Esteem Affairs: A lover makes the women feel appreciated and known when she has been feeling invisible.

 

How can families work to strengthen their own relationships to hopefully avoid or minimize the risk of an affair?

An affair has a life of its own. A number of my interviewees describe themselves as better mothers and wives because of the affair, that they stay in their marriages because the lover provides what the husband does not/cannot. An affair is a risk since women are out in the world as they are. Some wives reveal the affair in order to renegotiate their marriage.

 

Can you share a little bit about your book?

This is an updated, new edition of a thirty year study that I've conducted on female infidelity. The identifying characteristics of the interviewees have been changed and their experiences with their lovers are detailed. The interview pool is diverse and the women are of all ages, social strata, ethnicity, race, religion and live all across the country. For some the affair is a catalyst to leave a marriage/monogamous relationships, for others it is a negotiating tool ( mentioned above) for others it is a form of self-exploration.  My latest research yields that women between the ages of early twenties and their eighties are having affairs, including cyberspace affairs. Some interviewees feel it is a journey to understand their own needs and desires.