The news is filled with stories around senior-women from top companies leaving their jobs, most recently, YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki. Women are tired, overworked, and undervalued. With contentious issues like bullying, sexual harassment, coupled with childcare disruptions and lack of resources, is it surprising they want to leave? In the workplace, more than 50% of employees are women. So, what does this mean? Put simply, we need to do better.
I had a chance to connect with Bonnie Low-Kramen, acclaimed TEDX speaker, former celebrity assistant, and author of the forthcoming book Staff Matters. Bonnie has over 25+ years of workplace experience and can discuss the issues and repercussions of women calling it quits at their organizations. She is also the author of Staff Matters: People-Focused Solutions for the Ultimate New Workplace.
Why do many women keep the real reasons for quitting to themselves?
Women stay quiet about the real reasons for quitting out of fear. Fear of backlash and repercussions in the form of developing a reputation for being “difficult” and negatively impacting their ability to get hired by anyone else. This fear is not ill-founded. It is often rooted in a negative culture at the company. Women “know” when it is safe to speak the truth and they know when it is not.
These fears were partly the reason for my TEDx talk in 2022 called “The Real Reasons People Quit.”
How can it benefit the workplace to know why women are leaving?
If the real reasons for quitting become known to leaders and HR, they can choose to make these uncomfortable situations less stigmatizing and traumatizing. The real reasons are often not pretty or easy subjects. They include workplace bullying, sexual harassment, racism, discrimination, and unfair compensation policies. However, if leaders decide to honestly address these systemic problems, that will result in higher retention, productivity, morale, and profits. It takes leaders with moral courage to face these issues straight on and many leaders don’t know how to do it.
How can women address disrespect, toxicity, and harassment at work?
The data is clear that if a bully is bullying one person, the bully is bullying several people. They don’t stop at one. For that reason, women need to not suffer in paralyzed silence. They need to discuss the issues with one another and compare notes. Together, they can bring the factual information to leadership and their male allies, aka manbassadors. It is much easier to ignore one woman’s complaint but much harder to look away from 5 women who are saying the same thing and are willing to sign their names to these facts. Men in the workplace need to advocate against toxic behaviors.
What are things women should consider before they accept a job offer?
Do your homework and vet the company and the leadership. Read the company website and look at the images and videos. Read the social media posts about the company leaders. Ask important questions about the company culture and the issues that set you up for success. Talk with other women and men who work at the company to ask about their experience.
1. Is it a family-friendly company? Look at the social activities that the company sponsors.
2. Is there a commitment to mental health and work/life balance that is openly supported by leadership?
3. Is there an ERG group for women?
4. What is the process for annual performance and compensation reviews?
5. Is the work schedule flexible or rigid?
6. Does the company require training in anti-bullying, anti-harassment, anti-racism, and anti-discrimination?
Anything else you'd like to add?
Be ready with the words to say when confronted with toxic behaviors. Do not suffer in silence.
1. I don’t know what gave you the idea that I would want you to touch me/say that to me, but you have it wrong. That will be the last time that happens. I will go straight to HR if it happens again.
2. No one speaks to me like that. I want to work well with you so we need a different way to communicate. OK?
3. You may not realize it, but when you said XYZ in the meeting yesterday, it hurt my feelings/I found it offensive. Please do not do that again.
Women stay quiet about the real reasons for quitting out of fear. Fear of backlash and repercussions in the form of developing a reputation for being “difficult” and negatively impacting their ability to get hired by anyone else. This fear is not ill-founded. It is often rooted in a negative culture at the company. Women “know” when it is safe to speak the truth and they know when it is not.
These fears were partly the reason for my TEDx talk in 2022 called “The Real Reasons People Quit.”
How can it benefit the workplace to know why women are leaving?
If the real reasons for quitting become known to leaders and HR, they can choose to make these uncomfortable situations less stigmatizing and traumatizing. The real reasons are often not pretty or easy subjects. They include workplace bullying, sexual harassment, racism, discrimination, and unfair compensation policies. However, if leaders decide to honestly address these systemic problems, that will result in higher retention, productivity, morale, and profits. It takes leaders with moral courage to face these issues straight on and many leaders don’t know how to do it.
How can women address disrespect, toxicity, and harassment at work?
The data is clear that if a bully is bullying one person, the bully is bullying several people. They don’t stop at one. For that reason, women need to not suffer in paralyzed silence. They need to discuss the issues with one another and compare notes. Together, they can bring the factual information to leadership and their male allies, aka manbassadors. It is much easier to ignore one woman’s complaint but much harder to look away from 5 women who are saying the same thing and are willing to sign their names to these facts. Men in the workplace need to advocate against toxic behaviors.
What are things women should consider before they accept a job offer?
Do your homework and vet the company and the leadership. Read the company website and look at the images and videos. Read the social media posts about the company leaders. Ask important questions about the company culture and the issues that set you up for success. Talk with other women and men who work at the company to ask about their experience.
1. Is it a family-friendly company? Look at the social activities that the company sponsors.
2. Is there a commitment to mental health and work/life balance that is openly supported by leadership?
3. Is there an ERG group for women?
4. What is the process for annual performance and compensation reviews?
5. Is the work schedule flexible or rigid?
6. Does the company require training in anti-bullying, anti-harassment, anti-racism, and anti-discrimination?
Anything else you'd like to add?
Be ready with the words to say when confronted with toxic behaviors. Do not suffer in silence.
1. I don’t know what gave you the idea that I would want you to touch me/say that to me, but you have it wrong. That will be the last time that happens. I will go straight to HR if it happens again.
2. No one speaks to me like that. I want to work well with you so we need a different way to communicate. OK?
3. You may not realize it, but when you said XYZ in the meeting yesterday, it hurt my feelings/I found it offensive. Please do not do that again.
About the Author:
Bonnie Low-Kramen is the founder and CEO of Ultimate Assistant Training & Consulting. For twenty-five years, Bonnie worked as the personal assistant to Oscar-winner Olympia Dukakis and co-founded New York Celebrity Assistants (NYCA). She is a TEDx speaker and the author of Staff Matters: People-Focused Solutions for the Ultimate New Workplace.
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