Book Nook: Alfred's Journey to be Liked

 

I recently had a chance to read the book Alfred's Journey to Be Liked. 

Alfred is a 14-year-old boy whose world is basically Naruto, chess, baseball stats, his favorite cookies, and his mom. He has challenges with making friends, and his mom hires Coach, who uses Alfred's interests to help guide him into being able to find friends.

The book is a pretty easy read. It has very short chapters and is mostly dialogue. To be honest, I didn't hate it and didn't love it. But - my autistic 15-year-old really liked it. It was wild to me, how things that seemed so simplistic and obvious in the book were kind of amazing to her - not necessarily as new information, but as a practical way to see it played out in a story that she could then pull into real life. And, to be honest, I was not that great at making friends when I was younger, so at the time, this book probably would have had the same impact on me as it did her. If you have a tween/teen that seems to be lacking in social skills, this book might just resonate with them as well.

In the words of the author, "It is my hope that parents, coaches, teachers, and mentors will find some helpful entry points for conversation with their adolescents."

Why did you write the book?

We were in Covid, and the behavior around me was getting quirkier by the minute. We seemed to forget some basic social skills... like asking how someone is doing and actually listening versus skipping over a response and talking about ourselves. And everyone was into "numbers." How big is the incidence of Covid? The value of masks, the quality of education, and on and on it went. We kind of forgot to be human beings.

So when I created Alfred, he was a very sweet kid that was fairly self-contained, and his mom wanted him to have more friends. He thought he was fine (for this, I refer you to a very short audio clip where I explain the significance of this). His mom said she wanted him to meet "Coach."

And then the book wrote itself. And then the readers told me that I had a high-functioning neurodivergent teen in Alfred.  There were too many people who were very knowledgeable and whose profession it was to provide therapy and counseling who felt this way, and so I learned more about autism and accepted their wisdom.

To be clear, though, I was reluctant because I don't, in general, like labels. But when readers told me that they couldn't focus on the book without wondering whether he was on the spectrum, and professionals told me this book could be a contribution to families and educators, I agreed.

But my original intention was to help nothing smaller than the universe of people who had been changed by Covid relearn their social skills. In this way, I saw it as an accessible and almost fun kind of boot camp.

How can the context of a story help readers learn valuable social skills?

I love this question. I believe a few things here. First, that we all need to remember our social skills, but before that, we need to do an honest inventory of what we can and can't do easily. For example, because I interview people all the time in my business consulting practice, I believe I am able to "hear the unspoken." In other words, I can read body language, and the tone of voice and often hear the bubble in people's head. I am not as good at suppressing my know-betterer side though I am working on it hard.

So I think that if readers can assess what they can and can't do in terms of the 10 simple rules, that is a good start. Then they need to believe in the theory of chunks. I am not sure there is really a theory there, but if not, we'll call it my theory. Life is better when you break things down into small pieces and solve them. That is the context for how we can help others as well as ourselves. I always tell people that there is a coach inside us that we need to find. And when we find the coach within, we need to remember to chunk the challenges into pieces.

 Is this book solely intended for people with autism?

No. I wrote this, not even knowing that I had developed an autistic character. So many readers have told me that the book serves to remind them of how they can do a better job themselves. 

When I told my therapist readers that we are all quirky in our own way, they understood and also said that I needed to understand that people with autism are different from "quirky" and their challenges couldn't be appropriated, but they also understood that I was trying to provide guidelines and tools for us all.

I know that for me personally, Alfred has made me more skilled at communicating. I listen better. I use humor a little more. I try and suppress my know-betterer side, and on it goes.

What have therapists' and pediatricians' reactions been to this book?

It is too soon to really tell, but the ones that I have heard from seem to staunchly believe that there is a role for this book within schools and for parents as well. And some have said it should go beyond those who are on the spectrum or have some type of diagnosis.

As one pediatrician wrote:

Each chapter, or "chunk", takes Alfred, Coach and the reader a little further on the journey toward self-awareness, self-confidence and the realization that the skills to become a loyal friend, a patient teacher and an empathic family member had been within Alfred all along.

I am a retired pediatrician and have watched many many children and their families cope with all sorts of the difficulties growing up can bring. This book provides a clear, intelligent and empathic pathway for parents and all adults who teach or care for children. It provides accessible examples and experiences that can be shared with any young teen. I loved going on this journey with Alfred, Coach, Alfred's Mom and the friends he makes along the way. I hope to be able to go further with them. 

And a licensed psychologist wrote:

As a psychologist with over 25 years of experience working with teens similar to Alfred, I found this book to be a realistic and hopeful portrayal of a young man with social challenges. This delightful story also showed the benefits of having a trusted and skilled therapist. I highly recommend this book to everyone, including all teens, parents, and professionals. It’s a good read with a lot to learn and discuss.