In the important new children’s book, Bad Touching, author and retired OB/GYN Dr. Tiffanie Tate tackles the difficult topic of inappropriate touching in a way that young minds will understand.
The 32-page picture book uses simple language and lyric rhyme to tell the story of two young sisters, Lillie and Linda, who just want to make every adult happy. They live alone with their mother, and when she gets a new boyfriend, he helps take care of Lillie and Linda. He is nice at first, but that changes. Lillie and Linda learn that there are times when making everyone happy is not a good thing if it hurts them in the process. This story helps children understand and identify abusive situations and provides directions on how to seek help.
Bad Touching is Dr. Tate’s second book and is based on her personal experiences as a child. She did not disclose her abuse until she was an adult, she explained.
“My desire is to educate children about safe people they can confide in,” Dr. Tate said. “My hope is that this book will help children who are affected by abuse know they are not alone and let them know that it is all right to tell. I don’t want them to feel afraid or scared to talk about what is happening to them and wait for decades like I did.”
Then, amid her activism to help others, Dr. Tate was “badly touched” in a medical provider’s office while receiving care on January 24, 2023.
“It was a trigger that was traumatic, but instead of waiting like I did before, I immediately reached out and got the help I needed,” Dr. Tate said, adding that she reported the event to the office manager, filed a police report, and that the individual is in the process of being held accountable.
“There is still a lot to do,” she added, “but I want to be an advocate for women and children.”
I had a chance to interview Dr. Tate to learn more.
Why is it so important for children (and people of all ages) to be able to recognize appropriate and inappropriate physical contact?
It is important for children and people of all ages to recognize appropriate and inappropriate physical contact because predators will prey on their vulnerability if they do not. I was taught it is not what you know that hurts you, it is what you do not know. It was on full display in the video with the Dalai Lama by the child who only wanted a hug. In this instance you have an authority figure who took advantage of the child’s innocence and lack of knowledge of personal boundaries. Had the young boy previously had a conversation about personal physical boundaries, when he was asked to suck the Dalai Lama’s tongue, he would not have done it.
Discussing inappropriate physical contact is a taboo subject and it should not be, especially when it comes to protecting your children. It is the only way that children and adults can protect themselves. I was molested as a child and assaulted in my acupuncture’s office in January of this year. As a child I was manipulated and taken advantage of. I made sure as an adult I spoke out. After my assault I wrote the following the following poem:
I Understand
I now understand why Monica kept that dress.
She must have felt impeccable duress.
In a case of he said versus she said
I’m sure everything coming to light brought her dread.
Who would believe the word of a lowly intern?
All she experienced was a tough lesson to learn.
Her relationship was consensual, mine was not.
It is a struggle to go on daily, but I’ll give it all I’ve got.
I now understand the anguish victims have endured.
How in the blink of an eye what once was safe is no longer secured.
Evidence is key to collaborate the truth.
Facts will demolish a lie to aid any sleuth.
I understand that my abuser might try to lie.
I will shout the truth from the rooftops even if it makes me cry.
I understand that I am called to speak out and expose this ugliness to the world.
I understand that I must even it makes my head swirl.
I understand I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I understand I can no longer let the status quo be.
How can families make sure their children are heard and respected when it comes to body autonomy?
When I was growing up in the seventies there was a notion that children that children should be seen and not heard. That is so not true. Respect begins at home. Teach your children that they deserve to have their feelings and voices heard. They also deserve to have their bodies respected. If someone is trying to do something that they do not want done to them, they do not have to accept it. In my book, Bad Touching, the two sisters, Lillie and Linda, had to navigate that experience and had to figure out what to do.
How can families help their children understand the difference between inappropriate touching, and touching that may be uncomfortable but necessary, such as in the context of a medical procedure?
Having the conversation about bad touching. Pediatricians recommend that the conversation begins around the age of give, but I suggest that as soon as you start teaching them how to wash their private parts you start having the conversation. It can be as simple as saying, “aside from the doctor during your exam, and you cleaning yourself, no one else should be touching you in this area. If they are, please let me know.” A parent can change the statement, but it can be pretty simple. My book Bad Touching is a conversation started.
How can parents and caregivers help ease the stigma and fear that sometimes prevent people from reporting incidents?
First, it is not your fault. If your child or relative has been abused and you did not perpetrate the abuse, you should not carry the guilt associated with it. I know that is easier said than done, but it is true. Second, reassure the child because it takes bravery to come forward. There is a stigma that is associated with and try to alleviate the fear by letter the child knows that whatever deceptive threats the perpetrator made will not come to pass. In my book, Bad Touching, the two sisters experienced the fear and threats from the person by whom they were being abused. They were only better after they reported it and it was then that their lives turned back to “normal.”
In real life there are issues after abuse. As a survivor of abuse, I recommend seeking counseling for the child and possibly for the family. That increases the probability of the child healing completely.
About the Author
Originally from Compton, California, Dr. Tiffanie Tate is a Christian, mother, servant, listener and medically retired medical doctor. Her interest in becoming a physician began when she was in middle school, while volunteering with her church to help the homeless in Los Angeles. She saw people who were both hungry and sick. She wanted to do more than serve food. She wanted to help them in meaningful ways, so she became a physician.
Both of her biological parents were addicted to drugs. And while she never met her father, she had heard that he was homeless, and she couldn’t help but wonder whether he was one of the homeless she and her church were helping. With the loving support of her maternal family and, specifically, her maternal aunt who raised her (known as “Momtee”), Dr. Tate received the love, support and stability she needed to thrive and achieve her professional goals of becoming a board-certified obstetrician and gynecologist. An injury led to her medical retirement, which inspired her to pursue her second passion: writing.
Dr. Tate is also a veteran of the U.S. Navy and served during the Global War on Terrorism. She believes in giving back and currently teaches residents by providing lectures on subjects in obstetrics and gynecology.
She is also the author of FloweTry: A Collection of 108 Poetic Flows on Life, Love, and Liturgical Issues, and the upcoming release, Little Engine Mia Sings, a children’s book that teaches about bullying and how to discourage it.
Connect with Dr. Tate on Instagram (@drtiffanietatemoore) or Facebook (https://m.facebook.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment