Caring Connections - Navigating the Path to Family Trauma Recovery

 

Family systems form the foundation of children’s understanding of what it means to be in a relationship and how to communicate. In the event of a traumatic event, the sense of safety for the child or the entire family system may be disrupted.

While navigating the path to family trauma recovery, we must first create a safe environment where open communication is possible. While empathy may not be natural to some, it can be practiced, taught and modeled. Interactions with children must be developmentally appropriate – both from a cognitive as well as emotional standpoint. 

Remember when talking with children, you are larger in size and may come across as intimidating. Consider getting to the child’s eye level and make sure your tone is calm. Use phrases that are not too complicated, are matter of fact, and convey your message without blame or shame. Monitor your choice of words and try to mirror their emotions. Validations such as, ‘I understand you are feeling scared right now’ will allow the child to feel heard and seen. It will also enhance their ability to name their emotions. I often recommend books that families can read together that examine experiences similar to theirs, to allow for self-exploration and organic discussion.

The goal is to gain insight into the psychological and physiological effects of the trauma as early as possible, so that the therapeutic interventions can have the best chance of reducing symptoms and lead to long-term recovery.

Once a safe environment is established, and the stage is set for open communication, you can begin to explore outward manifestations, and symptoms of the trauma. Psychological symptoms can include sadness, excessive worry, attention deficits, concentration and learning issues. Behavioral signs may include shyness, irritability, acting out, difficulties in school performance, and changes in sleep and eating patterns. Physical symptoms often include headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, and difficulty going to the bathroom or bed wetting.

As a parent, caregiver, or loved one, we can model self-regulation and mindfulness techniques. Breathing exercises are simple, yet extremely effective tools that we can learn and teach. As the journey of healing will take time, I often recommend having daily routines that can be predicted and are as consistent as possible. Similar bedtimes, set mealtimes, and clear expectations will enforce a sense of safety. While this sounds basic, the guard rails and comfort they provide is critical. When we remove ambiguity and the need for guesswork from our interactions with our children they will have the opportunity to focus their energy on healing and recovery.

About Duygu Balan:

Author and psychotherapist specializing in intergenerational trauma, Duygu Balan, LPCC developed her expertise in intergenerational trauma while working as a clinical counselor in New York City treating patients on society's margins. A licensed psychotherapist, she is the co-author of Re-Write: A Trauma Workbook of Creative Writing and Recovery in Our New Normal and a contributor to the best-selling medical textbook, Big Book of Emergency Department Psychiatry: A Guide to Patient Centered Operational Improvement. Born in Germany and raised in Istanbul, Duygu's upbringing provides her with a fresh perspective on how to navigate tension between cultures; adverse childhood experiences; and attachment wounding through hope and resilience. She is based in the San Francisco Bay Area.