When Alexandra Wyman lost her husband to death by suicide in 2020 - in the midst of the pandemic, she had to quickly come to terms with the loss in order to begin her self
Since then she has become a Grief Navigator, speaking at conferences around the world on suicide prevention including the Military Social Work & Behavioral Health Conference and the International Association of Suicide Prevention Conference. Her new memoir, The Suicide Club: What To Do When Someone You Love Chooses Death, outlines her journey toward reframing the narrative around those who die by suicide and working with people to convert their feelings of blame and judgement to ones of love and compassion.
For those who find themselves parenting alone after their partner’s death by suicide, Wyman stresses that “Taking the time for self-care is a major part of rebuilding and moving forward. It not only helps you but also teaches your child (or others around you) that it is okay to do for yourself.”
I had a chance to interview her to learn more.
Why is it important for a parent or caretaker to make time for self-care while helping a child process loss by suicide?First, it teaches a child the importance of self-care. Children mimic and watch what we do and if they see us take care of ourselves, they will learn the importance of doing so. The other side is that engaging in self-care also helps us have more endurance and patience to handle whatever is going on for our children while they are processing their own grief.
How can the surviving caretaker help children grieve as well as remember and honor the lost loved one? I think honesty is the best strategy to use. That honesty can be in how the death is described and relayed to the child. It can be in the child seeing the surviving caretaker emote and process through their own grief. Honesty can even be as simple as letting the child know that the caretaker may not have all the answers but that together they will figure out how to navigate the grief. I think it is also important to be open to the ways in which the child wants to honor their lost loved one.
Why is it important not to engage in self-blame? Self-blame is a natural response, however, it can be a distraction from truly starting to heal. It can keep us stuck in our grief process and prolong our ability to take steps to move forward.
How can adults find support for themselves and their child when navigating loss of a loved one by suicide? I suggest having a variety of tools available because what we need can change daily. I also recommend finding grief-specific therapists or play therapists, depending on the age of the child. There is a lot of power in being able to verbalize what has happened to our loved one. Participating in suicide-specific support groups is also another great resource. Most of the initial resources I found through searching online, though, depending on the resources in your specific county, there may be advocates who can guide parents for additional support.
Alexandra Wyman is an advocate and public speaker for resources in the aftermath of suicide. After she lost her husband to suicide in August of 2020, Alexandra found a need to change the language around suicide, and decided to write about it. Her memoir, The Suicide Club: What To Do When Someone You Love Chooses Death is an Amazon best seller. She has spoken at a variety of conferences including Bridging the Divide Suicide Prevention and Awareness Summit 2022, 2023 Northwest Conference on Childhood Grief, and has been accepted to present at the 2023 Military Social Work & Behavioral Health Conference and the International Association of Suicide Prevention Conference 2023 in Piran, Slovenia. Alexandra has also been a guest on a variety of podcasts including The Unlock Moment, Author Hour, Resilience Unravelled, She Persisted, and My Wake Up Call with Dr. Mark Goulston. Alexandra has her own podcast called The Widow’s Club, as well. She practices pediatric occupational therapy and lives in Colorado with her son.
To learn more about Alexandra and her work, visit her website at www.forwardtojoy.com.
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