Summer is winding down, and your college student is anticipating the sweet taste of freedom (well…freedom from Mom’s and Dad’s watchful eyes, anyway). As a parent, though, you have some concerns. There are so many dangers for young people these days: a deadly substance misuse crisis, rising levels of anxiety and depression, eating disorders, suicide ideation, and a broken system that can’t provide the support they need. Frankly, few teens or early 20-somethings are equipped to navigate these challenges alone.
That’s why parents can’t be too vigilant about preparing them for the (often rocky) road ahead, says student wellbeing activist David Magee.
“It’s urgent to be clear with your children about what they might experience or encounter at college,” says Magee, author of the upcoming book Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis (Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN: 978-1-6377439-6-6, $22.00). “The stakes are too high for them to just ‘wing it.’ They need a strong foundation to keep them healthy, strong, and happy.”
In other words, they need to shore up the habits, practices, and mindsets to help them maintain their mental and physical health, sidestep dangers like substance misuse, and create the sustainable joy all young people crave, says Magee. Parents can guide them in developing a “toolbox” that will help them thrive, keep them safe, and possibly even save their lives.
This is a deeply personal mission for Magee. In 2012, his son Hudson nearly died from a drug overdose at his fraternity house. Thankfully, Hudson made a full recovery. But in 2013, Magee found the body of his firstborn son, William, after he died from an accidental drug overdose—a story he shares in his award-winning book Dear William: A Father’s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love, and Loss.
Magee’s goal is to save lives and spare other families and communities from these kinds of tragedies. This is why he founded the William Magee Institute for Student Wellbeing and the William Magee Center for AOD and Wellness Education at the University of Mississippi.
Here, he identifies six tools that can make all the difference in your child’s life:
TOOL #1: A grasp of the cold, hard facts about substance misuse. Now is a good time to give your children a refresher about the dangers of drugs and alcohol (or to broach the topic for the first time). More and more young people are using drugs such as marijuana, Adderall, and Xanax, says Magee. But marijuana today is 300 to 400 times more potent, and nearly four times more addictive than it used to be, and counterfeit pills are laced with highly addictive and deadly fentanyl, which has contributed to huge numbers of accidental drug overdoses across the nation.
“Be blunt with your children about the dangers of drug misuse,” says Magee. “They need to know that even recreational drug use can harm or kill them. These conversations need to happen early and often, so children understand the risks before they are exposed and possibly addicted. The ability to say no to substance misuse is a tool that will serve them for the rest of their lives.”
TOOL #2: Healthy sleep habits. Sleep deprivation is flat-out dangerous for children and teens, says Magee. It results in behavior that mimics ADHD symptoms and causes rollercoaster emotions and impulses, angry outbursts, and an increased risk for anxiety and depression. More than one-third of all teens get only five to six hours of sleep a night, according to a 2010 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health, while the optimal sleep amount for teens is 9.25 hours nightly.
Work with your teen to choose a reasonable bedtime and stress the importance of sticking to it (they’ll feel better if they consistently get enough sleep instead of “catching up” on the weekends). Finally, encourage them to keep their smartphone away from the bed, so they aren’t tempted to scroll late into the night.
TOOL #3: The discipline to limit smartphone and/or social media use. Technology is the gateway to children’s weak spots. Many popular apps can lead to unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in young people. While it’s okay to spend some time on their phones or social media, they shouldn’t be using their devices to the point that it prevents them from having face-to-face interactions with others.
“Let your children know that just because social media is there doesn’t mean they should engage continuously,” says Magee. “Teach them to monitor their emotions and stress levels after being on social media for a while. They can learn to notice if it contributes to procrastination or leads to feelings of guilt, inferiority, or nervousness. Any of these suggest a change is needed.”
TOOL #4: Quality time with family (even at a distance). Schedule weekly phone calls or facetime chats to catch up. If your child doesn’t come home on the weekends, try to visit them a few times a semester. This is also a great time to assess how your child is doing mentally and emotionally and to notice if they need extra support.
Of course, young people may not readily bare their souls to their parents during these catch-ups. Magee recommends open-ended questions to get the conversation flowing and find out how your child really feels. Instead of, “How is your week going?” you might say, “What were the best and worst parts of your week?” The responses from these kinds of questions cannot only inform, but also surprise and deeply delight you. Finally, engaging this way helps your child recognize their passions and the direction they would like their life to take.
TOOL #5: Daily exercise. It’s important for young people (and everyone) to move their bodies every day. Walking is an easy way to reap the benefits of exercise. It increases blood circulation, improves mood by releasing endorphins, and keeps us in shape. If your child doesn’t get regular exercise, encourage them to start with a 30-minute walk. You can even go with them—it’s a great opportunity to chat and ask open-ended questions. Stress the importance of continuing a fitness routine once classes begin to stay healthy, manage stress, and support their mental health.
TOOL #6: The willingness to ask for help. If your child is suffering from a mental health disorder like anxiety or depression, an eating disorder, substance misuse or addiction, or any other problem that is damaging their quality of life, there is no time to delay. They (or you) need to act immediately. Therapy helps, and the sooner your child begins working with a professional, the better off they will be. Finally, help your child locate counseling options and other resources when arriving on their college campus so they can find them quickly if needed.
“There are two parts to instilling the mindset that allows a child to ask for help,” says Magee. “One is breaking down stigma. Assure your child there is no shame in seeking help—anyone can be depressed, fall into addiction, or otherwise get in trouble. The second part is ensuring that your child feels safe enough to come to you no matter what. Keep the lines of communication open, and always, always assure your child that you love them and are here for them.”
“There are a few more weeks left before your children leave the safety of your home,” concludes Magee. “You can make them count by teaching these habits now and starting an ongoing conversation around what creates joy…and what depletes it. You’ll be sending your children off with habits that set them up to thrive this fall and throughout their lives.”
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About David Magee:
David Magee is the best-selling author of Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis and Dear William: A Father’s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love, and Loss—a Publisher’s Weekly bestseller, named a Best Book of the South, and featured on CBS Mornings—and other nonfiction books. A changemaker in student and family mental health and substance misuse, he’s a creator of the William Magee Institute for Student Wellbeing at the University of Mississippi and a frequent K–12 and university educational and motivational speaker, helping students and parents find and keep their joy. Learn more at www.daviddmagee.com.
About the Book:
Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis (Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN: 978-1-6377439-6-6, $22.00) will be available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.
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