The new school year has begun, ushering in a season of ballgames, bonfires…and booze. And the “sobering” truth is that even elementary school-age children are experimenting with alcohol. The average age today that children take their first drink is 11 for boys and 13 for girls, says student wellbeing activist David Magee. So even if you’ve been holding off on talking to them about alcohol until they are “older,” now is likely the right time to have a very grown-up talk with your “tweenager.”
“Even if the adults in your household don’t drink, your child has likely heard about alcohol from their peers, and chances are what they are hearing is only making them more curious to try it,” says Magee, author of the newly published book Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis (Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN: 978-1-6377439-6-6, $22.00) and award-winning book Dear William: A Father’s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love, and Loss.
“In a culture that glorifies alcohol use, you want to be sure they are hearing the truth about drinking and the problems it can cause from your mouth, not from their friends,” he adds. “There’s no better time to do it than right now, when school is starting back up.”
In regard to teen substance use, later is better. Younger teens who start drinking alcohol and using other substances like marijuana are statistically more likely to suffer from substance use disorder later in life. This is why it’s important to delay alcohol use. Consider these facts:
• The earlier your child drinks, the greater the risk. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, people who start drinking before age 15 are at a higher risk for developing alcohol use disorder later. For example, adults ages 26 and older who began drinking before age 15 are 5.6 times more likely to report having alcohol use disorder in the past year than those who waited until 21 or later.
• There’s a link between early puberty and alcohol misuse. A Penn State University study in 2021 found that parents of teens who go through early puberty are more likely to let their teens drink alcohol at an earlier age, believing they are mature enough to handle it. Needless to say, this belief is not backed by research.
Keeping children safe and healthy is a personal mission for Magee. Not only has he battled substance misuse prior to his recovery, but he has suffered unbearable loss due to addiction. In 2013, Magee found the body of his firstborn son, William, after he died from an accidental drug overdose. His other two children also suffered the ravages of mental health disorders and substance use disorder before getting help.
Today, he works to create meaning, purpose, and hope for others. That’s why he founded the William Magee Institute for Student Wellbeing, which seeks to understand how best to prevent or break the cycle of unhealthy habits and addictions that plague so many college students, and the William Magee Center for AOD and Wellness Education at the University of Mississippi.
Some advice from Magee on talking to your child about drinking and its consequences:
First and foremost, try to delay alcohol use in your children for as long as possible. Studies show alcohol is often the first illegal substance children try, and they often do so at a young age when they are still heavily under parental and family influence. This means parents have a critical role and responsibility. “You may not be able to stop it, because statistically, most will eventually try alcohol by the time they are in high school,” says Magee. “The key is working to delay that first taste in order to increase the odds of their wellbeing later in life.”
Have honest conversations about alcohol and its risks (sooner than you might think is necessary). Education has long been among the most significant factors in our choices, says Magee. By the time children get to middle school, they are likely hearing and learning about alcohol and other substances. Don’t delay the conversation, and don’t have it just once.
“Don’t center the conversation on fear and punishment or say things like, ‘If you drink, you’ll be grounded for months,’” says Magee. “That reason alone has never stopped a curious child. Talk about the law, how drinking underage is illegal, and how it can lead to other mistakes, like early sex and sexual assaults. Having these honest, engaging conversations can help delay teen drinking by months, if not years. That delay can significantly impact the rest of their lives.”
Talk to your child about joy thieves. (Spoiler: Alcohol tops the list.) Children and adults alike crave joy more than anything else. But alcohol, along with other substances, and mental health disorders like anxiety and depression are “joy thieves.” Magee says it’s critical to talk about what steals your child’s joy as well as the tools that can help them cultivate their joy.
“All children need a ‘toolbox’ of tools and habits that build joy,” says Magee. “With these tools, they can safeguard their wellbeing and learn to recognize and avoid joy thieves. Encourage your children to develop tools like getting enough sleep, enjoying exercise in the fresh air every day, limiting their use of social media, spending quality time with family, and finding faith in something bigger than themselves.”
Check your own use, because your children are watching you. If you drink every day, or have one too many, they do notice. Examine your alcohol intake and the importance you place on it. If alcohol does not benefit your life, consider giving it up. This sets a great example to your children, not only because you’re modeling sobriety, but also because you are exhibiting a powerful approach to life—continuous self-improvement. Magee lives by the following principle, borrowed from his previous experience in lean manufacturing: Rid all that has no value.
“In life, we take on new habits and behaviors, and the unhelpful ones pile up like unneeded belongings in a garage or closet,” says Magee. “We don’t need them; they clutter our lives, but we keep them anyway. That’s how it is for many with alcohol. For a long time, I didn’t realize how much time, focus, and energy alcohol wasted in my life, even when I wasn’t drinking too much. Just a couple of glasses of wine left me a tad foggy and less productive the next day, but I’d become so used to the feeling that I thought it was normal. Once I stopped drinking, I saved my family, myself, and career, but the deeper I grew in the journey, the more rewards added up.”
Watch out for triggers, transitions, and traumatizing events. These and other risk factors can put a teen on a path to trying a substance such as alcohol. Triggering events could be parental separation or divorce, moving, starting a new school, getting cut from a team or tryout when other friends make it, puberty, illness, or death within the family. In addition to these types of transitions, the chances teens will try a substance for the first time increase during idle times, including the holiday season, summer break, or fall and spring breaks.
If your child has risk factors for alcohol misuse, take action to protect them now. Genetics play a role in early and problematic drinking by teens, says Magee. Be aware of what your children might inherit from you, and get ahead of any associated risks by providing them with more information and education or earlier counseling than you might otherwise provide.
“Let’s say you drink regularly, and you have a 13-year-old who reached puberty at age 11, has ADHD, grandparents on both the maternal and paternal side who battle addiction, and who got caught trying alcohol,” says Magee. “You’ll want to take additional precautions, like arranging counseling and deepening supportive, educational conversations in the household.”
“When it comes to alcohol—and all substances—it’s critical to get out in front of the issue,” concludes Magee. “Talk to them today, even if it is uncomfortable for them or forces you to face the truth about your own drinking habits. Hearing the facts from you early, and on a continuing basis, will give them crucial insights and wisdom they need to make safe and healthy choices throughout their teenage and young adult years.”
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About David Magee:
David Magee is the best-selling author of Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis and Dear William: A Father’s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love, and Loss—a Publisher’s Weekly bestseller, named a Best Book of the South, and featured on CBS Mornings—and other nonfiction books. A changemaker in student and family mental health and substance misuse, he’s a creator of the William Magee Institute for Student Wellbeing at the University of Mississippi and a frequent K–12 and university educational and motivational speaker, helping students and parents find and keep their joy. Learn more at www.daviddmagee.com.
About the Book:
Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis (Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN: 978-1-6377439-6-6, $22.00) is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.
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