Dey Street Books will soon publish Your Pocket Therapist: Break Free from Old Patterns and Transform Your Life by psychotherapist and TikTok personality Dr. Annie Zimmerman (On Sale: January 9, 2024).
Every day, psychotherapist Dr. Annie Zimmerman meets clients in her private London practice who are struggling with their lives. They’re committed to achieving personal growth, making changes—but they’re struck at the question stage. They ask her: Why can’t I sleep? Why do I keep going back to a bad relationship? Why did I lose my temper? What is wrong with me?
The answer? Nothing is wrong with them! It’s just that they’re asking themselves the wrong questions.
Dr. Zimmerman helps readers delve into their past to identify old, unhelpful patterns and teach them how to unlock the present. The book combines practical tools with anecdotes gleaned from the therapy room, distilling complex psychological concepts with her signature warmth and empathy. Her belief—galvanized by her hundreds of thousands of followers—is that if we learn to understand the roots of our suffering, we can bring about meaningful—and permanent—change in our lives. It comes down to learning how to ask the right questions.
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| Photo: Robin Silas Christian |
I had a chance to interview her to learn more.
Why did you write this book?
When I started working as a therapist and set up my social media I realised that I wasn’t the only one who’d been struggling and didn’t know why. Every Sunday I do a Q&A where I receive thousands of questions from people desperate to understand why they’re unhappy, and what’s going wrong in their relationships. How do I get over someone who never loved me back? My toddler prefers the other parent, how do I connect to them when I’m being pushed away? How can I stop being lazy? How do I feel confident when I hate my body? How do you deal with grief from an unexpected death? Why do I keep falling for guys who aren’t emotionally available? Why do I feel like no one likes me? I’ve been in therapy for years, why haven’t I learnt this?
These are not simple questions. The answers are nuanced and complex, yet there’s only so far I can go in a short Instagram post, which is why I wanted to write this book: to expand on the questions we are yearning to unpick by summarizing the fundamentals of our psychology and relationships. The book condenses complex, otherwise inaccessible (and often dull) theory into tips, stories, exercises, and lessons to help you become more self-aware, feel better and to improve your life.
What I’ve learnt from my interactions over social media over the last two years is that people are hungry for depth. We want to really understand our minds and the dynamics at play in our relationships. On Instagram and TikTok I’ve noticed a growing movement (especially among young people) to engage with their mental health, as well as a quiet revolution away from oversimplification, towards the pursuit of deep self-awareness. People are yearning for answers.
I honestly think everyone should know these things and receive an education in them, but no-one teaches us how to understand our minds, our feelings, our relationships. Schools neglect these topics in favour of academic studies and our parents aren’t always equipped to teach us because they were not taught themselves. We are left to our own devices to wade through the battlefield of our mental health and relationships, unless or until we reach a breaking point and seek help. It’s my mission with Your Pocket Therapist to make sure everyone has access to this information so that we can be empowered to change our patterns and lives.
What are some common challenges people face that are addressed in this book?
The book is split into two halves: Self and Relationships. I’m obsessed with relationships, and people are really struggling with so many areas so I tried to go through as many areas as possible across the whole relationship spectrum, from dating (obsessing about people, getting ghosted, finding the right person, how to stop choosing emotionally unavailable people etc), to being in a relationship (attachment styles, codependency, cheating, jealousy, setting boundaries etc), to ending relationships (break-ups, grief, friendships ending, loneliness). But before we can fix our relationships, we need first to understand ourselves. In the first half I cover key issues people struggle with in their mental health - anxiety, depression, addiction, self-sabotage, trauma, the nervous system and all the tips and exercises you need to feel better.
How can asking the right questions lead to personal growth?
People want to feel better, they want help, they know things aren’t going as well as they’d like, they know they’re struggling with certain issues, and they know they want things to change. What they don’t understand is why, or what to do. Often they’re asking the wrong questions.
As a therapist my job is to ask questions that really help people get to the root of the problems they’re grappling with. By getting under the surface, and thinking in a different way about our problems that how we can really gain the insights needed to change them. Sometimes just considering things in a different way is enough to inspire change. This is especially true when we start to connect our problems to things that have happened to us in the past. By becoming aware of our patterns and more conscious of things we weren’t aware of, those patterns start to have less of a hold over us.
How can people determine if they need more in-depth guidance than this book can provide, and how can they find a quality therapist that's a good fit?
Throughout the book I tell stories from the therapy room, so people can see how the process might work (though of course it’s different for everyone). If you read it and see some of yourself in those characters then it might be a sign you could benefit from some support. I’d encourage anyone who can and is curious to try it, and to stick with it for a bit as change can often take time.
In terms of finding the right therapist I tend to liken this to dating. You need to meet a few different people and see who you get on with the best. So many people go to one session, don’t like the therapist and then write therapy off all together. But you wouldn’t writing off dating after just one bad date! So I’d encourage you to meet a few different people and give yourself a chance to settle in. Again, therapy is a process that takes time because you need to feel safe with this person for the work to really start, so don’t give up if things are slow at the start!
This is a timely toolkit for those who want to break free from past patterns and embrace a life of abundant self-awareness and connection. With advice on how to heal past trauma, build sustainable connections, and take ownership of our mental health, Your Pocket Therapist equips readers with the right information and helps prepare for the new year ahead.
Dr. Annie Zimmerman is a psychotherapist and TikTok personality, working with clients from a
psychodynamic approach. She has a PhD in psychology and her expertise centers on teaching clients
how their early lives have formed strategies that might be contributing to unhelpful patterns in
adulthood. Currently, she lives in London where she has a thriving private practice. You can follow
her on TikTok and Instagram @your_pocket_therapist.
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