House & Home - Finding a Roommate in "Lonely" Cities

 

It’s no secret we’re facing a loneliness epidemic. Nearly one in four adults admit to being very or fairly lonely, and over half say they’re at least a little lonely. It may be no coincidence that the number of Americans living alone has also increased to a record high. And if you study the recent report ranking the “loneliest cities in America” (based on the number of one-person households), you’ll see it’s not for lack of potential companions.            Washington, D.C. tops the “loneliest” list, followed by Birmingham, St. Louis, Atlanta, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Alexandria, Minneapolis, and Richmond. The report also shares which cities are “loneliest” for men (led by St. Louis) and women (led by Alexandria).            “These so-called ‘lonely’ cities don’t have low populations, and they aren’t isolated rural markets either,” says Dwellsy CEO and cofounder Jonas Bordo, coauthor along with Hannah Hildebolt of Everything You Need to Know About Renting But Didn’t Know to Ask: All the Insider Dirt to Help You Get the Best Deal and Avoid Disaster (Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN: 978-1-6377439-2-8, $21.95). “Lots of people are in the ‘loneliness’ boat together.            “While I get that everyone who lives alone isn’t necessarily ‘lonely,’ it’s a safe bet some are,” he adds. “And I’d guess many of them, especially if they’re past their early 20s or so, haven’t seriously considered looking for a roommate. The subtle stigma on living with someone else (who isn’t a romantic partner) past young adulthood is increasingly outmoded and out of step with social and economic trends. There are many benefits to having a roommate at any age.”                Bordo rattles off a few: You’ll keep each other company. Many people, even die-hard introverts, are just happier with someone to talk to. (That is, as long as it’s a compatible “someone.”) Assuming you rent (and aren’t tied down with yardwork and other homeowner burdens), you have free time to hit the town—and a roommate gives you someone to hit the town with. (“If you live alone, especially if you don’t have friends in town to go out with, weekends can be boring and even depressing,” notes Bordo.) You might expand your social circle by making friends with your roommate’s friends. Last but not least, you’ll save money by splitting your housing costs and bills—and considering the rising costs of everything, maybe quite a bit of money.              So…ready to start your roommate search? Bordo is here to help. With several decades’ experience as a landlord, property manager, and current CEO of the largest U.S. rental marketplace, Bordo has advised numerous people on how to look for a compatible roommate (and on how to keep the peace after moving in together). He suggests you start by asking yourself a few questions:   How well do I need to know my roommate? Is it important that you know and trust your roommate before moving in with them? Or are you willing to look at a shared home as more of a business arrangement with a likeminded stranger?   “If you don’t have a candidate in mind, you can look for roommates on social media groups,” says Bordo. “Some are neighborhood-specific, and others help people find roommates who share certain traits, like being LGBTQIA+ or being from the same marginalized race. There are also different websites and apps that match potential roommates, sometimes for a subscription fee.”   How might we split the rent? You don’t necessarily have to go the 50/50 route. Maybe the person with the master suite or home office pays more. Or perhaps one roommate pays less in exchange for doing the grocery shopping and cooking most of the meals.   “No matter what type of financial arrangement you come to, remember that this is one part of living with another person where you literally can’t afford to compromise,” reminds Bordo. “If your roommate can’t, or won’t, meet their share of the rent and other expenses, guess who is on the hook? Talking about money can be difficult and awkward, but you must determine up front if your roommate is able and willing to pony up.” Note to Editor: See attached tipsheet for ideas on how to create a roommate agreement.   How much social interaction do I actually need? Being an introvert doesn’t mean you never crave human connection—but it might mean you’ll want to look for a roommate who will give you some space. If you’re more of an extrovert, you may want a roommate who will spend more of your shared time at home together.     “While both introverts and extroverts can experience a real boost to their mood and mental well-being after moving in with a roommate, everyone needs differing amounts of time alone to recharge,” points out Bordo. “It’s best to put some thought into your social preferences before moving in with another person. Keep in mind that while you’ll presumably have your own bedrooms, you may be sharing all other spaces.”     What kind of housekeeper am I? Bordo is not suggesting you find a roommate (room-maid?) who will clean up after you. He is suggesting that you look honestly at your housekeeping preferences and consider how they might mesh with another person’s.   “If you’re a neat freak, will it bother you if another person leaves mail out on the counter?” he asks. “If you thrive in a more chaotic environment, are you willing to put a few more chores on your roster? Housekeeping is at the root of some of the most acrimonious roommate feuds I’ve encountered. The good news is, if you and your roommate can agree on what chores should be done and how to divide them, you’ll each have less work to do than if you lived alone.”   How sensitive am I to noise (and visitors, and privacy, and unpredictable schedules…)? “It doesn’t matter if my roommate is loud sometimes; I’ll just turn on a sound machine.” Or, “Sharing a bathroom with this person I just met won’t be THAT big a deal.” Or, “Of course I don’t mind if your girlfriend spends the night!” File all of these statements under “famous last roommate words.”   “When you are living in fairly close quarters with another human, it’s not as easy to brush things off as you may have thought,” says Bordo. “Think about what things might be a compatibility issue for you, and identify any must-haves and dealbreakers before moving in together.”   How well does this apartment align with our needs? If you’re contemplating moving to a new place (as opposed to inviting someone else into your existing home), choosing the right place can be as important as roommate compatibility. Is the kitchen big enough for two people to move around in? If your roommate regularly wakes up earlier, will the sound of the shower disturb you? Is there enough storage space for both of your possessions?   “Your physical space has a big impact on quality of life,” says Bordo. “When possible, take the time to find a place that will work for both parties.”   How comfortable am I with communicating my needs and having tough conversations? Even if you and your roommate get along well, you won’t see eye to eye on everything. Some of the other person’s habits will annoy you (and vice versa). It’s crucial to address small issues before they become big ones, and to hold your boundaries if there is a major disagreement.   “Few things are worse than living in silent anxiety or resentment,” says Bordo. “If you’re going to live with someone else, you should be prepared to ask them—kindly and respectfully—to please wipe out the bathroom sink after shaving or to stop eating your labeled food.”               “From Joey and Chandler to the Golden Girls, some of pop culture’s most memorable friendships have begun with a ‘roommate wanted’ ad,” muses Bordo. “Whether you and your roomie follow in their footsteps and become great friends, or keep things more casual, having another human being around can provide the companionship you crave. If you keep all of these considerations in mind, you stand a good chance of finding a roommate who will alleviate your loneliness and enhance your quality of life.” # # #

The Amicable Apartment: Nine Things to Include in a Roommate Agreement Insights from Jonas Bordo, CEO and cofounder of Dwellsy               Viewers of The Big Bang Theory know all about Sheldon Cooper’s roommate agreement. But while the idea is used for comedic effect on the show, a roommate agreement is a real thing (and a good idea). It’s a document that outlines the rules of your rental and the responsibilities of the residents. Importantly, a roommate agreement doesn’t involve your landlord or property manager. It’s only between the renters.              Whether you and your roommate are best friends or have only just met, a roommate agreement can foster good communication, reduce conflicts and misunderstandings, and provide a firm foundation for a happy shared home. The two of you should have a discussion about what life in your rental will look like, then write the agreement together before you move in.              You might start by putting your names and addresses at the top of the document. You’ll also want to note your move-in date, the length of your lease, and your landlord. Then make a list of any rules and expectations you’d like. Here are a few major points to cover:   Rent: Who’s paying what portion of the rent? Are you splitting it evenly? Dividing it up proportionally to your incomes? Is the person with the bigger room paying a larger share?   Security deposit: Who’s paying what part of it? What happens to the security deposit if one person moves out and the other stays?   Utilities: You’ll want to get this in writing if utilities aren’t covered in your rent. Will you split utilities evenly? Will one person pay some utilities while the other person covers the rest? Will you switch who pays the utilities each month?   How space will be divided: Who will get what room in the rental? If there’s an office, who gets it, or will you share it? How will closets be divided?   Chores: Write down how you’ll divide up your chores and what you’ll do if someone doesn’t do their share. Keep in mind each other’s schedules and who uses which appliances the most. You can also consider a chore chart.   Pets: If anyone owns pets, write down your plan for keeping them clean and fed. You might also want to consider the following questions: What rooms of the rental will the pet be allowed in? How often will it be groomed? Who will be responsible for cleaning the pet’s messes and feeding it? Who pays for damages caused by the pet? What happens if the neighbors complain?   Guests: Will overnight guests be allowed? How often? Does this have to be discussed beforehand when it happens? What if someone wants to throw a party? How many people can be invited?   Noise level: When, if ever, will loud music be allowed in the apartment? Will you decide to have quiet hours? If so, when will they be? What if someone won’t stop being loud––how will you handle it? These questions are particularly important if anyone in your apartment works from home.   Moving out early: If someone wants to move out early, will they have to sublet to someone else? Will they just pay the remainder of their rent for the rest of the lease? Think through what that might look like, and come to a solution you and your roommate both feel comfortable with. After all, you never know when an issue or an emergency might arise.               Besides these suggestions, you should put anything that’s important to you or your roommate into your roommate agreement. The more information you have, the clearer expectations will be—and the lower the chances of a problem arising later. To make the agreement more “formal,” you can each sign a copy. While there’s no real legal benefit to including your signatures, the action does carry more psychological force.   # # #

About Jonas Bordo: Jonas Bordo is the coauthor, along with Hannah Hildebolt, of the book Everything You Need to Know About Renting But Didn’t Know to Ask: All the Insider Dirt to Help You Get the Best Deal and Avoid Disaster. He is the CEO and cofounder of Dwellsy, the free residential rental marketplace that makes it easy to find hard-to-find rentals. Prior to cofounding Dwellsy, Jonas was a senior executive at several leading real estate firms including Essex Property Trust and BentallGreenOak, and was with the Boston Consulting Group after graduating with his MBA from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business.    About the Book: Everything You Need to Know About Renting But Didn’t Know to Ask: All the Insider Dirt to Help You Get the Best Deal and Avoid Disaster (Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN: 978-1-6377439-2-8, $21.95) is available from major online booksellers.   About Dwellsy: Dwellsy is the renter’s marketplace: a comprehensive residential home rentals marketplace based on the radical concept that true, organic search in a free ecosystem creates more value than the pay-to-play model embraced by all of the current rental listing services. Dwellsy has more than 14 million residential rental listings—more than any legacy classifieds site—as well as the most diverse set of listings, including single family rentals, condos, and apartments. Dwellsy’s entirely different approach to residential rental listings focuses on presenting houses and apartments based on features renters need and want, not based on how much landlords pay to show their listings. Dwellsy investors include Frontier Ventures, Ulu Ventures, Blackhorn Ventures, Heroic Ventures, and the University of Chicago. For more information, please visit our newsroom or find your next home at Dwellsy.com.