Although the Nones, or not religiously affiliated, are now the largest single group in the U.S., little is known about how we raise our families. Many of us are the first generation of a newborn culture, stumbling as we learn how to walk; decades in, not centuries, with parenting practices we’re developing as we go along. But despite the growing pains of forging our own path, when you read our books or speak to our people, certain patterns emerge in our parenting. We frequently find ourselves running into the same issues and today, I’m going to share a behind the scenes look into a common solution to the greatest challenge we find in raising our children.
On page 21 of Wendy Thomas Russell’s Relax It's Just God: How and Why to Talk to Your Kids About Religion When You're Not Religious, she reveals the results of a survey she conducted with over a thousand None parents asking them to self-report their greatest challenges in parenting without religion. Coming in at number one was indoctrination, but more specifically, the concern of zeroing in on any one way of thinking. In the end, it isn’t sharing religion with our children that’s the issue for most None parents. Our challenge is the fear of sharing any one religion or way of thinking as the only one.
This leads many None parents to, perhaps, a surprising conclusion. Instead of closing ourselves off from religion, though this “silent treatment” is noted by Russell as one of the “most common follies” in None parenting, many of us develop an openness to exploring many different religions, cultures, and perspectives, both for ourselves and with our children.
In my home, we have religious books for every age level. From a gifted Precious Moments Little Book of Prayers to the Bhagavad Gita, our children have access to books of Christian, Jewish, Greek, Norse, Asian, Hindu, various Native, and other cultures on our shelves. While I don’t push my children towards any books in particular (outside of my personal favorites when they’re old enough, like Siddhartha and The Power of Myth), I don’t hesitate when they want to read religious texts. My children will always be free to read our Bible and consider it for themselves, along with any other age-appropriate book. The Beginner’s Bible is a good read for a child who is growing up in a world with Christians, just as the beginner texts of any culture would help children understand more about the world in which we live.
But my openness to religion doesn’t stop with providing diversity in our books. At night, before bed, I sing “Immaculate Mary” to my 3 year old, just as my mother did with me and my siblings. He sings it too and it soothes him; I’m not worried about how this will affect him. It’s a beautiful song and I’m not going to burn anyone’s books or their culture, including and maybe especially my mother’s. And as long as my children are comfortable with it, I’ll sing it to my grandchildren, and talk to them about who their great grandmother was, along with other people of the past and present, and my hopes for the future.
We’re open to the stories of the world, the music of the world, and then come the holidays. With foods and colors, games and decorations, rituals filled with symbolism, and stories that help us understand what it’s like to be a person on a planet with other people. We celebrate Christmas; it’s big and we try to add decorations each year. We celebrate Hanukkah with dreidel, chocolate gelt, menorah, latkes and applesauce, a Mensch on the Bench zebra, books, and blue and silver decorations. We celebrate Mardi Gras (a family favorite) and Easter; we’ve tried Yule, Day of the Dead, Diwali, and many others. We learn about new ones together and have come up with our own. As a None parent, like most None parents I know and books I’ve read, my children’s lives aren't devoid of the rituals, the gatherings, or the morals of the stories; it's filled with them. The celebration of cultures is a part of our culture.
In the end, what I hope my children walk away with is an understanding of what people are like in the world. I want them to be able to meet anyone whose heart is filled with kindness and share calm air. I want them to be a part of their community, helping people navigate the hard times and cheering for their greatest moments. In the end, our openness to religion is designed to live in a world filled with differences and still share the table.
Bio: Rebecca Finch Vitsmun, an atheistic humanist, embracing people of all religious and cultural backgrounds, is best known for saying, “I’m actually an atheist…and I don’t blame anyone for thanking the Lord” live on CNN after a tornado destroyed her home in 2013. Rebecca has been at the forefront of a cultural shift that has led the Nones to emerge as the largest identified religious group in America. She has a degree in Arts and Humanities from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette and lives in Tacoma, WA with her spouse and five kids. Her debut children’s picture book Eliza Dee’s Universes is now available wherever books are sold.
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