Parenting Pointers - Dysregulation

Summer break is one of the most dysregulating time periods for parents. In fact, many parents experience dysregulation [the inability to manage or regulate one's emotions] multiple times per day.

“Summer break implies that there is a break or pause from all the things that we may have been obligated to get done or responsible for doing,” explains Dr. Amber Thornton, author of A Parent's Guide to Self-Regulation: A Practical Framework for Breaking the Cycle of Dysregulation and Mastering Emotions for Parents and Children. “It’s supposed to be the ultimate moment of freedom, enjoyment, and satisfaction. This is exactly how I remember summer break as a kid. An entire three months of fun, excitement, and good times. Then came parenthood.”

When Dr. Amber was in the process of planning and writing “Chapter 4: Daily Dysregulation” for her new book, her family was knee-deep into summer, with back-to-school right on their heels, and she could tell they were all feeling the pressure. “I truly didn’t realize what the experience of summertime felt like for parents until I found myself desperately searching for summer camps for my toddler because he had just completed his first year of ‘big boy school,’ and childcare for him was no longer a thing after the conclusion of an academic year. It was intense,” the licensed clinical psychologist shares.

Dr. Amber noticed that the unpredictable nature of summer, in addition to the flux in schedules, routines, and her children’s energy levels, made for some challenging moments. She also noticed this in other parents. “Peak summer for parents is venting to your other good parent friend about how you can’t wait until school resumes, all the while knowing that deep down, you will look back on the summer memories and still smile,” she says.

I had a chance to learn more in this interview.

-Why do parents and caregivers sometimes find themselves overwhelmed in the summer?

Parents often find themselves overwhelmed during the summer months because of the unpredictable nature of season. The academic school year typically brings routine, structure, and an academic calendar with planned dates to anticipate, which summer tends to be more flexible, fluid, loose, and can feel chaotic at times. In addition to the flux in schedules, routines, and an uptick in our children's energy levels, summer can bring some challenges. Additional challenges of summer for parents include additional financial experiences for food, childcare, and activities.

-How can adults manage their emotions when they get overwhelmed?

Below are five quick strategies for helping adults to manage their emotional when they get overwhelmed:

1. Getting back to the basics: There are times when overwhelm could be a result of bigger, more complex issues that need to be addressed; however, there are many other times when overwhelm is a function of lacking basic self-care. Adults benefit from regular self check-ins involving their sleeping habits, eating, hydrating, & movement/exercise. It's important to ensure these are all balanced and prioritized. 

2. Attention to breath: Breath is powerful because of its ability to quickly bring you to the here and now. Focusing on the one thing your body naturally does for you second by second helps you to get to the most present moment possible, and you’ll find that there are often very few worries and concerns in the true present. Often, your fears, worries, overwhelm, and dysregulation are a combination of several cognitive experiences that are focused in the past or in the future. Breath invites you to journey to the present for a much-needed retreat and reprieve.

3. Go outside: Endless studies have demonstrated the positive effects that nature can have on our mental, physical, and emotional health. Some of these effects include: Increased feelings of pleasure, Sharper focus and concentration, Enhanced physical relaxation, decreased stress, anxiety, tension, and anger, Boosts in creativity and problem-solving skills, Reduced cortisol levels, Lowered heart rate and blood pressure, Increased vitamin D levels, Lowered risk for depression. and lastly- Improved sleep quality.

4. Sensory offloading: Sensory offloading is a way to help soothe your senses when they are feeling completely overwhelmed, and it’s simply releasing or reducing the amount of experience our senses are having. Our five senses include sound, sight, touch, small, and taste. 

5. Coregulation: Simply being present with others can help us to navigate the wave of big feelings we experience, and help us to feel better able to tackle the rest of our day. Coregulation can be thought of as the process through which people access the ability to soothe and manage distressing emotions and sensations through connection with others.

-Why is it important for children to learn how to self-regulate?

Self-regulation is a fundamental skill for children's overall well-being and development. It's the ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively. Children's ability to self-regulation can help them in the following areas: 

-Academic Success: Self-regulation allows children to focus, concentrate, and persist with tasks in the classroom. They can manage distractions and stay on track to learn new information.

-Social and Emotional Development: Children with strong self-regulation skills can build and maintain healthy relationships. They can express their emotions appropriately, take turns, and resolve conflicts peacefully.

-Mental and Physical Health: Self-regulation helps children cope with stress and frustration in a healthy way. This can lead to better emotional and physical well-being throughout their lives.

-Decision-Making and Independence: As children develop self-regulation, they become more adept at making good choices and solving problems independently. This fosters a sense of self-confidence and prepares them for future challenges.