The first thing to accept is that festive anxiety isn’t unusual and to be honest is probably more likely to be the norm. And why would it not? It’s loaded with expectations, obligations, organisation, highly expressed emotions, overspending, too much alcohol, too many people you don’t see very often and an annoying tendency for folk to call you ‘bah humbug’ if you say you are struggling! If you don’t feel any stress at this time of year then it’s probably because someone else in your life is doing all the heavy lifting for you.
Mental health expert Noel McDermott comments: “Understanding that it is normal to feel stress and to feel overwhelmed and emotional in ways you don’t like at this time of year is paradoxically the first step to dealing with it better. It’s not wise to ignore signs of stress as stress management is one of the key evidence-based ways to reduce the incidence and severity of all forms of mental illness in your life. Also the same is true of many forms of physical illness. Stress management is one of the cornerstones of lifestyle medicine that is evidence-based to reduce illness and enhance wellbeing in life. More and more doctors are using it now. There is a simple truth here: you can’t manage something better if you don’t know you are experiencing it”.
Here are some signs you might be struggling with festive anxiety:
- Interruptions in your sleep pattern, eating habits, personal care
- Problems in concentration or following through on tasks
- Always tired or the opposite always hyper
- Dysregulation (losing your temper), picking fights, being irritable
- Racing thoughts, triggering thoughts that lead to increased heart rate and breathing, rumination or being stuck a single thought
- Change to your usual outlook on life
- Noticing your heart beating fast for no reason, sweaty palms or armpits for no reason, dry mouth
If you start to notice these things, well done, you are supposed to. They are messages from your nervous system saying please notice me/us as we have needs! If you notice these things and you have a history of anxiety, depression or any sort of substance misuse issues or any other process disorder then chat with your health professionals and your peers if you have a peer support system. Meeting your needs will mean you don’t have to cope in unhealthy ways.
Understanding ‘polyvagal theory’
A super useful thing to know is what’s called ‘polyvagal theory’ which works with our nervous system in very direct ways to achieve a healthier balance of activation and relaxation. We have three states in this model, active, restive and overwhelmed. Active can be linked to fight flight responses. It is an adaptive system that is trained by how we consciously and then habitually respond to stress signals so we can train ourselves to respond better to stress triggers over time. There are lots of ways of working with this, but the most immediate and accessible way is via our breathing. The vagus nerve runs down the backs of our throats and we can manage it via our breathing. Breathing in and out via our noses is most effective as is having a slight constriction at the back of the throat. This is what is called Ujjayi breath in yoga. It’s also used as the basic breathing technique in mindful meditation but without the constriction. The key is to understand that when you breathe in the vagus nerve at the back of the throat activates the nervous system, and when you breathe out the vagus nerve relaxes the nervous system. Making your out breath longer than your in breath helps you relax and especially if you breathe like this during stressful situations you will train your autonomic nervous system to relax in the face of stress triggers rather than prepare for war.
Another great relaxation technique is to use this method of controlled breathing but without the throat constriction whilst lying down and doing what is called a body scan. Best done at night in bed if you can’t sleep but also at any time in the day if you can couple a nap to it! The body scan is to breathe in, tense a part of your body and on the out breath relax that part of your body and say the word ‘relax’ in your mind. Section your body, start at your feet and then work up. So breathe in, tense feet, breathe out, relax feet and say ‘relax’ in your mind. Then do this to your hands, then thighs etc. Finish with a whole body tenses then relax.
Other things you can do to help you cope better:
- Don’t drink, it’s a disaster for stress
- Exercise, especially outdoors
- Hydrate, in the winter we need as much if not more water than the summer
- Maintain a good diet (regulate portion size, eat at regular times, have a varied diet, eat socially with others as much as possible, keep an 80/20 split with fruit and veg versus meat)
- Carve out ‘me time’! Xmas isn’t a time for humans to nail themselves to an expectation cross. Be realistic about what you can do and how much you make yourself responsible for other people’s reactions
- Let it begin with me! If the spirit of the festive season is love, generosity and kindness to all then surely that starts with oneself. Be kind to yourself and model that for others. Step into the abundance of love at this time of year rather than a scarcity. Kindness and love are free, abundant and available for you anytime you want it.
Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and coordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.
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