Divorce rates in the U.S. have generally declined except for one group. Gray divorce, or divorce after age 50, is the only demographic where rates continue to climb. According to Pew Research, the divorce rate among adults 50 and older has roughly doubled since the 1990s.
Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy, Ph.D., LMHC, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist, couples counselor, and author of Parents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids (PESI Publishing, October 21, 2025). With over a decade of experience helping couples navigate intimacy challenges and major life transitions, she offers expert insight into why gray divorce is trending and how couples can take steps to prevent it. “Women initiate most gray divorces, often despite facing greater financial hardship afterward,” Dr. Eudy explains. “Declining oxytocin and estrogen during menopause the ‘tend and befriend’ hormones may shift women’s focus from caring for others to asking whether their marriage still meets their needs. Combined with empty nest syndrome and reduced stigma, it creates a perfect storm for reevaluating relationships at midlife.”
I had a chance to interview Dr. Eudy to learn more.
What factors contribute to the rise in gray divorce?
Gray divorce is on the rise for a mix of reasons. People are living longer and expecting more from their quality of life and relationships, and there’s less stigma around divorce later in life. Women are more financially independent and often the ones initiating divorce, though they also face more financial strain afterward. These separations often lineup with major life transitions like the empty nest, retirement, or perimenopause/menopause. With perimenopause especially, the natural drop in oxytocin and estrogen, the “tend and befriend” hormones, can lower women’s tolerance for disconnection, making long-standing issues harder to ignore.
Why do couples wait to seek help, and why might they want to sooner?
On average, couples wait two and a half years before starting therapy. Often, they’re hoping things will improve on their own, stuck in inertia, doubtful therapy can help, or running into one partner’s reluctance to try counseling. The problem is that when disconnection and misattunement go unrepaired for too long, resentment and emotional distance build up. Seeking help sooner, even if it’s just a relationship tune-up, gives couples a much better chance at repairing before those hurts harden into bigger roadblocks.
What can parents raising children do now to strengthen their relationship and prevent challenges later?
One of the best things parents can do is to prioritize their relationship as much as they prioritize the needs of their family. Too often, couples put their partnership on hold until there’s more time, but that time rarely appears on its own. Even small steps matter, like coaching kids not to interrupt so parents can finish a conversation, or carving out a few minutes each day to check in. These gestures signal to both partners that the relationship itself is a priority, which often matters more than the actual minutes spent together. Building in rituals like a weekly or monthly date night, or the occasional weekend away, reinforces that the relationship is a foundation worth investing in now, which pays off in resilience later.
REBECCA HOWARD EUDY, Ph.D., LMHC, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist, licensed mental health counselor, and certified Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) couples therapist. She specializes in helping couples navigate desire differences, emotional disconnection, and the complex realities of intimacy during the parenting years.
With over a decade of clinical experience, Rebecca combines research-backed approaches with practical tools to help couples build stronger emotional and sexual connections. She is the co-host of the podcast The Love Lab (Uncensored) and the founder of Parents in Love Coaching. Her first book, Parents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids, will be published by PESI Publishing in Fall 2025.
A married mother of two and a lifelong student of relationships, Rebecca brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. She is passionate about helping couples move past shame, improve communication, and rekindle intimacy—with curiosity, care, and compassion.
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