Thanksgiving is almost here.
Renowned licensed psychologist, media-savvy author Dr. Dale Atkins author of The Turquoise Butterfly shares these tips and icebreakers to help emotionally support and prepare for your next multi-generational holiday gathering to focus less on perfection and more on connection – and sharing the engagement helps take the stress off your plate!
BEFORE YOU GO – Share and give as much age-appropriate information to your kiddos. Where are you going, how are you getting there, who to expect when you arrive, what are some of the activities that you might be doing when everyone is together.
Or if hosting: who is joining you, what are we serving, what are we doing to prepare?
CONNECTIVE TISSUE – What are the interests of the family members you will be seeing and that of your child. Examples: Did you know, Uncle Bobby was a college football player and started in Youth Football just like you . . . When we get to Aunt Laura’s House, you will see many photos of the beach, remember the waves when we swam in the ocean this summer? After the meal, Cousin Amy will likely play the guitar, what song are you hoping she will play?
HUSTLE AND BUSTLE – Usually, there is much activity in the kitchen to make this reunion and feast go as smoothly as possible. Get your kiddos involved, let them know that they may be asked to help – set the table, fold napkins, find out how many people would like cider to drink.
ACKNOWLEDGE – After all the “kitchen chaos,” when you sit down for the meal: yes, you may want to go around and say what you’re thankful for (will get to that further along in the tips).
However, one thing someone could also do to bring togetherness is to share stories about what is on the table you’re experiencing today. Examples: Did you know that Grandma Joanie used to make this stuffing recipe, she was your Father’s Mother and now we enjoy it here too!
Michael, Jr should be thanked for helping to fold the napkins we have out today.
Thank you, Daly Family, for bringing Apple cider from Massachusetts for us all to enjoy.
Katie, the turkey decorations you made in your Kindergarten Classroom brighten our family table, thank you for sharing them.
SPECIFIC THANKFUL - Back to sharing what you’re thankful for - you can even take that further and pass along a basket from person to person. Each person takes out a slip of paper with a specific category and shares Example: My favorite dish being served today, that I am most thankful for today is --- My favorite friend for whom I am most thankful is --- My favorite subject in school for which I am thankful is - - This helps to really share, get acclimated and tells a story.
SHARE FAMILY THANKSGIVING HISTORY Older relatives (not preaching) but sharing how they used to celebrate Thanksgiving and rituals they had. Explanining what they remember about Thanksgiving when they were younger and how it’s different today.
Don't foget to prepare children about the holiday’s timeline and expectations. Examples: when we arrive, we’re going to help set the table, then we’ll eat.
Once everyone brings in their plate to the kitchen, there will be some clean-up . . . but around 3pm, we can then all go outside and throw the football around or watch football!
Guess what? Once it’s dark outside, we’ll go back inside for dessert!
Dale Atkins is a licensed psychologist, educator, storyteller and nature enthusiast with more than forty years of experience as a relationship expert focusing on families, wellness, managing stress, and living a balanced, meaningful life. Author of eight books and many chapters, articles, and journals for popular and professional audiences, Dale is a featured speaker who lectures and leads seminars worldwide. Dale has appeared regularly on NBC’s TODAY and CNN. Dale has a private psychology practice in New York City and has been a member of, and advisor to several nonprofit boards, including Jumpstart for Young Children. She holds a B.S. in Social Studies from NYU, a master’s degree in special education (Deafness) from Columbia University’s Teachers College, and a Ph.D. from UCLA in Educational Psychology. She and her husband have two children and six grandchildren and live in Connecticut. Drawing on her own experiences with family, memory the cycles of change, and research in child development, she wrote The Turquoise Butterfly to help children and families explore the complex emotions of anxiety, grief and transformation in a hopeful, accessible way. Her work reflects a deep belief in the healing power of stories and the importance of honoring intergenerational bonds.
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