Many parents worry about anxiety, confidence, and social media pressure, but former mayor Patrick Payton says the deeper issue is this: kids are growing up in a culture that teaches reaction before reflection.
Payton led a diverse Texas city under intense political and social pressure, where every decision was criticized from multiple sides. The leadership skill that mattered most wasn’t certainty, it was curiosity: the ability to ask questions, hear disagreement, and move forward without fear.
Payton is the author of The Middle: How the Quiet Majority Can Mend a Divided Nation (Forefront Books, March 2026), and brings lived leadership experience, not theory, to the question many parents are quietly asking: how do we prepare kids to navigate a loud, polarized world without becoming reactive adults?
I had a chance to learn more in this interview.
Why is it important for children to learn to lead with curiosity?
Children are by nature curious. This natural instinct is why we always find ourselves as parents having to keep them out of cabinets and storage areas while they are toddlers. It is why we often remark that our kids rarely if ever meet a stranger as they seem to be willing to talk to anyone they meet at the park, at church, or in the marketplace. It is why they are so creative early in life as they seek to make sense of their new life around them.
For reasons ranging from protection to fear, we as parents begin to instill in our kids that their curiosity can hurt them. We constantly warn them about “strangers”, the danger of germs when they pick up a piece of candy from the ground, or the harm of content on TV and devices. These protection habits are a good thing but if we are not wise and careful in how we teach and train we will slowly and methodically teach them curiosity is bad and the best thing for them to do is narrow their viewpoint and confirm opinions that anyone and everyone should look, act, and sound just like us.
Curiosity is the foundational trait of discovery. While we must be protective of our children and teach them the cautions of curiosity we must, at the same time, teach them the value of remaining curious in order for us to ultimately benefit from their curiosity for decades to come.
How can families encourage kids to handle disagreement in positive ways?
The quick and easy answer is to first ask ourselves how they see us as parents responding to disagreement. Do they see and hear us seeking first to understand or demanding that we be heard and understood first? Do they see and hear us asking questions and remaining curious or rendering judgement before hearing the case or argument? Do they hear us as parents honoring a different point of view even if we do not agree with the particular point of view?
Whether we like it or not children will most often mirror what they see in us. They are watching and listening more than we might care to acknowledge. So, if you want to raise kids who remain curious and respectful and still full of conviction let them see curiosity, respect and conviction handled well by you the parent.
The quick and easy answer is to first ask ourselves how they see us as parents responding to disagreement. Do they see and hear us seeking first to understand or demanding that we be heard and understood first? Do they see and hear us asking questions and remaining curious or rendering judgement before hearing the case or argument? Do they hear us as parents honoring a different point of view even if we do not agree with the particular point of view?
Whether we like it or not children will most often mirror what they see in us. They are watching and listening more than we might care to acknowledge. So, if you want to raise kids who remain curious and respectful and still full of conviction let them see curiosity, respect and conviction handled well by you the parent.
Why is it important for children to balance conviction with willingness to adapt and learn?
It is important to understand that many of our convictions and beliefs have been handed down to us without careful consideration of content and cost. Volumes have been written on beliefs, convictions, but life and experience often teach us that foundational convictions that you would give your life for are often few.
I believe what we want our kids to do is ask questions and be curious in the confidence that the few matters of conviction we have taught them remain a steady foundation for them from which to b curious, adaptable and willing to learn.
It is important to remember that even in our most tightly held convictions there is probably still something of substance and clarity we are missing. To say it another way – certainty can be a dangerous thing.
One final note…I am always a bit cautious when there is a fear of curiosity and learning. If the foundation is solid much can be built on it. When there is a fear of curiosity and learning and adaptability there is often a desire to control. In parenting we must guard against control and focus more on guidance.
It is important to understand that many of our convictions and beliefs have been handed down to us without careful consideration of content and cost. Volumes have been written on beliefs, convictions, but life and experience often teach us that foundational convictions that you would give your life for are often few.
I believe what we want our kids to do is ask questions and be curious in the confidence that the few matters of conviction we have taught them remain a steady foundation for them from which to b curious, adaptable and willing to learn.
It is important to remember that even in our most tightly held convictions there is probably still something of substance and clarity we are missing. To say it another way – certainty can be a dangerous thing.
One final note…I am always a bit cautious when there is a fear of curiosity and learning. If the foundation is solid much can be built on it. When there is a fear of curiosity and learning and adaptability there is often a desire to control. In parenting we must guard against control and focus more on guidance.
Why does it build confidence more to let kids struggle with ideas than to just give them answers?
Perhaps it would serve this question well to use an A.I. analogy. In the world of AI (Google before) one can enter the question and get the answer and never know how the problem was solved. You can have all the answers the world has to offer yet never know how to solve a problem or work through an answer.
Answers without critical and process thinking result in “mind number robots” who are convinced they are always right because they have an answer. I often said, “You might be right but you may still not be wise.” If wisdom is defined as learned and gathered perspective then you don’t arrive at wisdom by just being right. You must know why you are right – or why you are wrong – and the systems and structures at play in the context of curiosity and questions.
Where there is no struggle there is no growth. Or, in the context of this question, “Where there is no struggle for truth or answers then assumed simple answers passed from one generation to the next might never solve the problems the answers purport to resolve.”
Perhaps it would serve this question well to use an A.I. analogy. In the world of AI (Google before) one can enter the question and get the answer and never know how the problem was solved. You can have all the answers the world has to offer yet never know how to solve a problem or work through an answer.
Answers without critical and process thinking result in “mind number robots” who are convinced they are always right because they have an answer. I often said, “You might be right but you may still not be wise.” If wisdom is defined as learned and gathered perspective then you don’t arrive at wisdom by just being right. You must know why you are right – or why you are wrong – and the systems and structures at play in the context of curiosity and questions.
Where there is no struggle there is no growth. Or, in the context of this question, “Where there is no struggle for truth or answers then assumed simple answers passed from one generation to the next might never solve the problems the answers purport to resolve.”
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