Thursday, July 16, 2026

Parenting Pointers - How (and Why) to Embrace a Neurodiversity-Affirming Approach to Life



Katie Rose Pryal, JD, PhD

When I tell people that, in my writing coaching practice, I am neurodiversity-affirming (or “neuroaffirming” for short), I get some common questions:

What does neuroaffirming mean?
Do you only work with neurodivergent writers?
Can you tell me what neurodiversity even means…and how does a person affirm it?

These questions reveal why a neuroaffirming approach is so important in the first place: so many people do not understand what neurodiversity is and, because of this lack of understanding, they are not prepared to care for, teach, coach, or otherwise work with neurodivergent people—including children.

In my book Your Kid Belongs Here: An Insider’s Guide to Parenting Neurodiverse Children (Johns Hopkins 2025, yourkidbelongshere.com), I define “neurodiversity” as “normal variations in human neurological function, with an emphasis on normal.” For ease of understanding, I divide neurodiversity into three categories: developmental neurodivergences like ADHD and autism; mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and anxiety; and acquired mental disabilities like post-concussion syndrome and PTSD.

There are lots of normal human variations—just think of eye color and shoe size. When it comes to neurodiversity, however, instead of celebrating the differences, U.S. society penalizes them through discrimination. Neurodivergent kids, for example, frequently receive inadequate support in school. They are kicked off of sports teams. They are isolated and bullied.

Enter the neurodiversity-affirming approach.

A neuroaffirming approach takes into account a person's neurodivergence and how their brain functions differently from the neurotypical norm—but it does not penalize those differences.

Whether you’re talking about teaching in a classroom, coaching a kid’s soccer team, or even supervising in the workplace, a neuroaffirming approach avoids a one-size-fits-all mentality. Instead, it views neurodivergences as having both strengths and struggles, not just deficits. However, a neuroaffirming approach does not ignore the real impairments that neurodivergent people face. Instead, it takes into account how these real impairments might be made easier through accessibility and accommodations.

In short, a neuroaffirming approach celebrates our neurodiversity while still respecting a person’s struggles and providing assistance that is tailored to those struggles.

But neuroaffirming teachers, doctors, therapists, coaches, and so on can be hard to find. One barrier to finding neuroaffirming care is the history of poor treatment of neurodivergent people. U.S. and European society have a long history of eugenics and neurodiversity. Eugenics is a discredited science that tried to “improve” the human race by eliminating “undesirables” including neurodivergent people (e.g., via forced sterilization—or worse).

Twentieth-century eugenics casts a long shadow. For example, today, more research funding is spent on trying to cure neurodivergences such as autism than on helping make the lives of neurodivergent people better. Because of this past, today’s medical providers often believe that the best way to handle patients' neurodiversity is to ignore it, to fear it, or to punish it. Neurodiversity, in mainstream medical care, is an aggravation, not an intrinsic component of a patient's identity that also deserves care.

This approach of ignore/fear/punish bleeds over into all aspects of U.S. society. Neuroaffirming teachers, coaches, therapists and so on push back against these old misbeliefs, creating spaces where neurodivergent people can thrive.

At its most basic level, neuroaffirming simply means seeing neurodiversity as a normal thing and not a bad thing. It means seeing how the differences that neurodiversity brings actually improve our society.

So what can you do to bring a neuroaffirming approach into your life?

First, to find neuroaffirming medical care, start by simply asking a potential provider if their practice is, indeed, neurodiversity-affirming. While some providers might not (yet) know what the term means, many of them nevertheless do affirm neurodiversity. These providers will even be glad to have learned a new word if you teach it to them.

As an example, in my practice as a writing coach, I affirm the real struggles that being neurodivergent can cause a writer (procrastination, anyone?) and work on personalized strategies for that writer. After all, neurodivergent people are not monolithic in our challenges. I also help writers identify their strengths and learn to appreciate them. (Hyperfocus for the win!) After a lifetime of ableism, it can be hard to let go of negative beliefs about yourself. (Those negative beliefs are "internalized ableism.")

In the end, you and your family deserve to be surrounded by people who admire your differences rather than those who see you as a bother. The world needs the unique perspectives that you and your family bring.

Katie Rose Pryal, JD, PhD, is a Bipolar-AuDHD (Autistic+ADHD) writer and educator whose work focuses on neurodiversity. She is an award-winning author of more than 15 books, including Your Kid Belongs Here (Johns Hopkins 2025) and A Light In The Tower (Kansas 2024). Her literary memoir, An Autistic Girl’s Guide To Horses is coming in 2027 from West Virginia. A Pushcart-nominated essayist, she teaches in Drexel’s MFA in Creative Writing program. She lives in Chapel Hill, NC, with her spouse and children.
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