Sports tryouts are where many girls build lifelong confidence, or decide they don't belong.
Research shows that by age 14, girls are dropping out of sports at twice the rate of boys, often just as puberty, periods, and social pressure begin to intensify. Those exits don't just affect athletics, they can shape confidence, leadership, and willingness to take risks for years to come.
I had a chance to interview Nicole Johnston, former Fortune 500 executive, executive leadership coach, bestselling author of Taboo Topics: Things Women Should Talk About, But Don't, and TEDx speaker (When Being ‘Too Much’ Is Actually Just Enough). She discusses why the conversations parents have before and after fall sports tryouts matter just as much as the results themselves.
What are the benefits of being involved in competitive sports, especially for girls?
I was a high jumper in high school and college. Not a glamorous event. You run fifty feet and throw yourself backward over a bar, hoping your body cooperates. But that sport taught me things I still use every day. How to walk up to a bar you've failed to clear twice and try a third time. How to trust a coach who sees something in your form that you can't see yourself. How to be part of something bigger than yourself (team) even when your event is, essentially, a solo act.
Girls who play sports get to practice being brave and resilient in a low-stakes way, over and over, until it's not so low-stakes anymore. You miss the shot. You get back in position. You lose the match. You show up to practice on Monday anyway. That rhythm becomes part of who you are, and it follows you into boardrooms and hard conversations long after the uniform comes off.
What are some benefits to trying out, even if someone doesn't make the team? How can parents and guardians respond to both success and disappointment around tryouts?
The bravest thing your daughter does this year might be walking into that gym for tryouts, not knowing if she'll make the cut. That takes more nerve than most adults have. And, regardless of what happens, this builds very necessary life skills, because we don’t always get what we want in life.
I write in my book about the first time I tried salsa dancing. I stepped on my teacher's toes almost immediately. I was mortified. She just laughed and said, "It happens. Now remember, start with your right foot." That one moment of grace made me willing to keep going. Tryouts work the same way. The outcome matters far less than whether she felt safe enough to try in the first place.
If she doesn't make the team, sit with her in the disappointment instead of rushing to explain it away or fix it. Let her feel it fully. Then, when she's ready, ask her what she's proud of about showing up. And, even more critically, ask her what she wants to do next¹: try again, get more training/skills/camp, decide to add to the team as support (manager or statistician), or simply be done. And then, critically, ice cream - ice cream always helps¹. If she does make it, celebrate the courage and the work as much as the result. Kids who only get praised for being naturally good at something learn to avoid anything they're not immediately good at. Kids who get praised for trying to learn to keep walking into that gym.
What factors contribute to girls dropping out of sports at a much higher rate than boys?
I think about the girl in my fourth-grade class who got her period early. During recess one day, kids went through her desk, took her pads, and stuck them where everyone could see. I remember her face. I remember not understanding why it was happening, only that something about being a girl had suddenly made her a target.
A few things collide at exactly the wrong moment. By age 14, girls are dropping out of sports at twice the rate of boys. Bodies are changing in ways that feel exposed and unfamiliar. Friend groups start deciding what's cool and what isn't, and sports can quietly fall into the "not cool" category. Nobody wants to be the one still showing up to practice if her whole friend group has moved on to something else.
There's also a quieter pressure running underneath all of it. Girls are often taught that they need to be good at something right away or not bother. Boys tend to get more room to fail and try again. So, when a sport gets harder right as everything else in her life feels harder too, quitting can feel like the only path that doesn't require more risk. It isn't the only path. It's just the one that asks the least of her in the moment.
How can parents, guardians, coaches, and other adults help teen girls navigate menstruation and sports participation?
When I worked in feminine care earlier in my career, we used a machine that simulated period cramps using electric shocks. Men would put the leads on laughing, confident they could handle it. By the time we hit level six (the usual pain of an average period day two) most of them were sweating and had stopped joking. That image has stuck with me for years. What girls carry through a normal week of practice is not small, and many of the adults around them have never had to feel it to understand it.
One of my favorite stories is about a woman named Kiran Gandhi, who trained for a year to run the London Marathon and found out on race day that she'd be on her period. Rather than pull out, she ran the whole thing without stopping to manage it. She later said the marathon course was a place where sexism could be beaten. That's the spirit we want to hand our daughters, that a period is not a reason to sit out her own life.
The most useful thing an adult can do is talk about periods before they arrive, so the first one isn't a crisis. Make sure products are always available at practice without her having to ask for special treatment. And build enough trust with coaches that she can say "I need a minute" without an explanation attached. Girls don't need adults to solve menstruation. They need adults who don't flinch when it comes up.
¹All colons and dashes inserted by an actual human. ☺
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