#1. Stop speaking negatively about yourself. Do not let one negative comment come out of your mouth about yourself again. Stop saying, “I am too short.” “I'm fat.” “I look awful.” You believe yourself more than anyone, so cut that stuff out of your vocabulary. Practice speaking positive affirmations over yourself. Your words create your image: negatively or positively.
#2. Compliment Other People. When we feel bad about ourselves, we often project that feeling onto others in the form of insults and gossip. In order to stop this bad habit, begin complimenting others. As you engage in building others up, you will, in effect, build yourself up. Practice having a conversation with someone where you do not say a word about yourself to them. Look for ways to focus on them by complimenting their attributes or achievements.
#3. Get Back to Working Out. Who cares if you having gone back to the gym since signing up two-months ago. You can still go back! Focus on your body in a positive way can help you make huge strides towards overcoming insecurities. Don’t forget, by working out, you realize what your body is capable of and what it can do for you; these positives will begin to drown out any negative opinions you may have about your appearance. Working out allows you to focus on your body in relation to fitness and health, as opposed to perceived flaws.
#4. Stand up straight. If you think highly of yourself, you hold yourself high. It’s that simple. Instant result: You’ll appear and feel more confident.
#5. Setting goals builds confidence. T.D. Jakes said, “To not have a plan and just wake up every morning to see what the day brings is to live like a fool.” A confident person thinks about what kind of impact they can have on their world. Set goals for yourself. Live on purpose.
#6. Helping others builds confidence. Use your pain to help somebody else. Talk to a teenager. Share your story. Volunteer. Give where you see vision. Encourage someone. Focus on contributing to others and it will cause you to get you off your mind.That's what being self-conscious is all about - focusing on self. You won't worry so much about your own flaws when you're looking for opportunities to give back.
I had the opportunity to interview Terri as well:
1. Why is confidence important?
Confidence is a key to happiness. Learning how to have it is sometimes easier said than done. We all have things we would like to improve, but when you dislike yourself so much that you wish you were somebody else, you are an open playground for others to walk over you, and you can miss out on great opportunities for your future. It is highly important that you find your self-confidence, because it is the best tool to help you achieve your goals.
2. What is the relationship between self-confidence and goals?
Because insecurity is rooted in fear—fear of rejection, failure, being depreciated—people who lack self-confidence tend to hold back on pursuing their goals. They often take the safe, secure path and follow behind stronger-willed people, instead of forging their own path. In order to achieve your goals you must be proactive in taking the necessary steps to achieve them. Carry yourself with dignity and respect—realize your own self worth. You can be anything you want to be, if you ignore the self-doubt and push forward toward your destiny. Self-confidence is the spring board for getting there.
3. How can someone use friends or family for support when they're trying to build their own confidence?
The key to overcoming your insecurities is focusing on your strengths. This will help reinforce the parts of you that you feel are weak. Your close friends and family can be great sounding board and a trusted resource. Be honest with your friends tell them about your struggles with insecurity, have them send you daily affirmations to begin to change your mindset and view on yourself. Surround yourself with positive people who know you well and who’s advice you trust and value. While everyone sees their own imperfections, friends and family can be a great counteract agent reminding us things are often much better than they seem.
Terri Savelle Foy is an author, life coach, and ordained minister, and she speaks across the country on how to let go of destructive setbacks in order to live a more fulfilling life. Through her visual messages, her honesty about her own weaknesses and her funny personality, Terri proves that obtaining confidence and self-respect is a critical, achievable goal. Her most recent book, Make Your Dreams Bigger Than Your Memories: Don't Let Your Past Keep You from Your Future
(Regal, 2010), walks readers step by step toward a more rewarding future.
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