Parenting Pointers: Bullying Interview

Here's an interview I had the opportunity to do with Emily Bazelon, author of Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy.

1) What was the driving force behind writing this book?
 I’m a mom — my kid are 10 and 13. I started writing about bullying for Slate because I was really curious about how social media and texting changes what it’s like for kids to grow up. Parents of my generation didn’t have either growing up, and I think that makes this whole new domain tricky for us to know how to address. What are the great creative ways in which our kids can use the Internet, and what should we watch out for? My questions as a parent really drove my book project.

2) When do things spill over from teenage "drama" and into more serious bullying?
Drama is a good word kids have come up with to describe conflict between equals that goes in multiple directions—two-way conflict, between equals. Bullying is a more specific, and more harmful, form of aggression. It’s verbal or physical aggression that occurs repeatedly and involves a power differential—one or more children lording their status over another to really make him (or her) miserable.

3) How do character and empathy impact bullying?
Empathy and character building can be taught—or maybe the better word is inspired. It’s about showing kids how much importance you place in valuing the feelings of other people. And teaching them about honor and courage: Those sound like old-fashioned traits, but we very much still need them. A key insight at the heart of every good bullying prevention or character education effort is that almost everyone is capable of feeling and acting on empathy, and their also open to the idea of helping people who are weaker. It’s our job to help them find these capacities within themselves, and to build on them.

4) Is there any concern in overemphasizing the bullying issue?
There’s a concern about overdiagnosing it. The vast majority of kids do not bully. And the ongoing cruelty that bullying involves can do serious damage. This is not a problem to be shrugged off—that’s just nuts. But we also need to make sure we’re not crying wolf, because that diminishes parents’ credibility and also makes people feel like this is an inevitable and insoluable problem. It’s not! We’re not going to eliminate bullying entirely, but we can certainly reduce it by helping kids to create school cultures in which being mean isn’t the prized route to popularity. This is about making it clear that bullying is socially unacceptable. Over the past 20 years, we’ve accomplished this for teenage drunk driving. There was a mass media campaign, and a concerted effort from schools and parents, and now the rates of teenage drunk driving are down. I think—and hope—we’re in the middle of that kind of shift about bullying. My book aims to help that shift happen by showing parents and teachers and kids how it’s possible.

 Disclosure: Affiliate link used.