Parenting Pointers: Being a True SuperWoman

We've heard the term super woman a lot. It has a lot of different meanings for different people, but often it's used to refer to a woman who is seemingly able to "do it all" - job, parenting, Pinterest-worthy crafts and meals, exercise, and more. Dr. Jaime Kulaga, licensed mental health counselor and certified life coach, has a more realistic definition, which she discusses in the interview below.

1)What is a superwoman?
Great question. A SuperWoman is different from a Super Woman. We can all relate to the typical Super Woman, someone who juggles 50-60 things at a time and goes well beyond serving basic life roles. However, in order to be a real SuperWoman, you have to have balance. You must achieve balance between life and work- this is actually very hard for women.
2) Why do women need to become superwomen?
We need to find our inner SuperWoman in order to have a sense of deep fulfillment out of life we have to do more than work. Work is work, children are work, staying in shape is work, caregiving is work, being a spouse is WORK! If all of these things are work, then you might step back and realize that you do not have much of a Work-Life balance. We rationalize that lover, mom, bill payer, grocery shopper, exerciser, scheduler, chauffeur, caregiver, teacher and learner are Life and not Work. We will literally spend our life circling around the same things every day, forgetting that our life is not our Life. When women forget who they are or what they even like, we often see depression or anxiety increase.
3) Is there a concern that this might place too much pressure on women to do too much?
What puts pressure on women is society and the image of a woman. We have the woman who works all day and still cares for the children and puts dinner on the table. She is fit and healthy. She doesn’t complain much and sucks it up when she is sick. Yes, most SuperWomen do this, but it often comes at a deep emotional cost- especially when this behavior is noted for years and years. I notice that when women first get married and have children, they find it fun to play house for a while. It is the excitement of a new life. Sometimes we go overboard and suddenly are given the name of a super woman. At first, it is nice to be complimented and supported. After a while however, the compliments and support fade away and what was once considered kind is now an expectation from those around you. At this point we are in a habit of giving and are bound by so many obligations that we created we find ourselves with little time for us. One pedicure here and there is not going to give us life fulfillment. This is the point when you are a super woman, but not a SuperWoman.
4) What super woman do you look up to?
Of course, I could rattle off a bunch of famous people that we all know, and trust me, there are some awesome women I could only imagine getting to talk with and learn from, but I really find that some of the women in my community are SuperWomen. I guess because I get to interact with them and learn from them in person. I see them talk, I see them balance life, I get to see the experience. I love learning from some of the women who have owned their own businesses and have had families for 30 or 40 years. They teach you what puddles to jump over, which battles to fight and which to let go. With super famous people, we have to be more subjective because we do not really know them. We know them based upon what the media tells us or how we perceive this person based upon a book they wrote or a show they were on. With people in my community, I get to know them on a more personal and real level. I know they really are SuperWomen.
5) What are a few tips you can provide for women who want to be able to be super women but don't know how?
Type S or Type SuperWoman- I have about 30 characteristics that define her. Here are the top ten characteristics of a SuperWoman:

• 1.She controls her actions and reactions.
• 2.She is aware and understands what barriers she frequently encounters.
• 3.She consciously focuses on recreating new and healthier habits.
• 4.She understands that she can do anything she wants, but she can’t do everything.
• 5.She has identified her top five life roles.
• 6.She rewards herself every day. (doesn’t have to be big or costly rewards, but something)
• 7.She is not guilty saying NO to people that have mistaken her for a doormat.
• 8.She sets boundaries with all people, even spouses, children and co-workers.
• 9.She does not make decisions at low or angry points.
• 10.She can separate or compartmentalize her frustrations.

Working toward strengthening these characteristics will help a woman free up some of her time, allowing her to focus more on herself or allow for doing things that she enjoys. Working toward a Type S personality will also decrease depressive symptoms, minimize anxiety and free up energy that she depleted unnecessarily or on people that don’t deserve her physical or emotional energy. We are hosting a workshop on June 28th aimed to help women find their Type S personality and become a SuperWoman! Tickets available at www.mindfulrehab.com.

If anyone is interested and able to attend the workshop she's having in Tampa on July 28th, let me know - I may have the ability to host a giveaway for Florida readers or those willing to travel! Even if you aren't, check out her website - she offers face-to-face, phone-based, and Web-based coaching services.