Autumn Miles, a former victim of domestic violence, encourages all people to
continue to raise awareness for the issue during October's Domestic
Violence Awareness Month.
Miles
is the founder and CEO of The Blush Network, a women's conference
organization dedicated to helping and strengthening women, and author of
"Appointed." I had a chance to interview her to get more information.
Why are
the messages in the book "Appointed" so important for victims of
abuse?
The message in the book “Appointed” are vital to any woman that is tired
of living a mundane life and ready to embrace ALL that our God has for them. I
was that woman. For years, I let my life happen to me rather than seizing my
life and directing it where God wanted it to go. I let my circumstances and my
abusive ex-husband dictate my thought processes rather than calling on my
Creator to reveal His purpose for my existence. In that marriage I met the
power of God and began an intimate relationship with Him. It was in Him that
the lies that I had been told for years were abolished. It was the Bible that
showed me that I was of great significance and God had a specific plan for my life.
Any woman with a past of abuse of trauma or mistake needs to hear that no
matter what they are still chosen by God for use, but they have to choose to
act upon it. The abuse was debilitating
until I realized that God wanted to use it to encourage others to rebuild their
lives.
What
does the Blush Network do?
The Blush Network’s mission is
to spiritually challenge the way women think. The Blush Network was one of God specific
purposes for my life. The call from God was a conference network that spoke
clearly about the truth of God’s word to women. The Blush Network is now a
network of many things, conferences, leadership programs, monthly events,
women’s ministry intern program and cross cultural events. God has called us to
reach out to the homeless, detention centers, rehab facilities, as well as
reaching churched women. We love and
embrace all women!
How can
concerned friends and family support people in abusive relationships?
Well-meaning friends and family need to know that the abused victim
desperately needs them. It is important, however, that we support in a
way that is productive. Many made comments to me like, “just leave him” or
“don’t you see how mean he is to you?” Because of the intense brainwashing that
takes place over time I was programmed to combat these comments with statements
that protected my abuser. I would get
defensive because I had been told that “no one would ever love me if I left”
and that “I was nothing.” An amazing way to support an abuse victim is to not
give up on them. A victim is ostracized on purpose from loved ones and often
times told when and how to speak to loved ones. The best support is for the
friends and family to not give up. Let the victim know that you are there for
them and will help them in any way when they are ready to leave. Offering a
safe place to stay when they are ready to leave without any judgment or strings
attached is an incredible support to any victim.
What
can friends and family do for continued support after a victim has gotten out
of the relationship?
Be sensitive. Unfortunately, abuse becomes comfortable over
time to a victim. When a victim breaks free there is a level of discomfort that
comes with being treated the right way. Triggers of abuse haunt a victim for
years after breaking free therefore, it is so important to not assume that once
they have broken free the ordeal is over. Check in on these women often and
allow them to talk. If they open up to you, they feel comfortable with you, so
continue to be available for her to process her thoughts with.
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