“Finding
balance is not an easy task in a society of great abundance,” said Dr.
Brown, who is a senior consultant at the National School Climate Center.
“Our interests and our desire to give our children every opportunity to
succeed can inadvertently pull us into adding an ever increasing number
of activities, dates, plans and obligations.”
Dr.
Brown added, “Saying 'no' when demands become more than we can handle,
or to children who may feel that they are supposed to be involved with
everything their friends are doing to keep up, is not easy, and can be
particularly difficult if our sense of self, who we want to believe we
are or should be, seems dependent on saying 'yes' and doing it all.”
5 Tips to Avoid Overbooking Your Kids and Find Life Balance
1. Let your kids know that you care about them for who they are, not just what they can do. Children need to know that your love is not contingent on their achievements.
2. Remember that children do not have the same sense of time that you do. Part
of growing up is being able to put things in perspective. There will
likely be another friend, another team, another trip if this one does
not work out.
3. Working hard at something you love to do is one of the best parts of life.
It takes some of us a lot of experimenting to find those things we
love. Kids need that free time to try new things, as well as the
permission to give them up and try something else.
4. Some
kids organize their time and find their interests with just a little
exposure; other kids may need a bit of a push to try things that don't
seem attractive or interesting (or may be threatening).
The trick here is to be sensitive to individual needs and persistent in
offering opportunities. If you need to be pushy, try to offer
alternatives, so kids have a voice in what they will be doing. For
example, some children thrive in competitive sports, and others may find
their niche in hiking or dancing.
5. Remember to include exposure to helping others in your family activities.
One of the best ways of developing empathy in our children (and
ourselves) is to feel the gratitude that is expressed when we help
others. This doesn't happen if we don't have the opportunity of
interacting with others in need or whom we help. This can happen within
the context of the family itself, as well, and doesn't necessarily
require a formal charity event. Create opportunities in which children
can feel that they have meaningfully helped other family members or the
whole family accomplish something. The combination of caring,
responsibility, feeling respected, and gratitude is a powerful stew that
nourishes the soul.
“When
we're overprogrammed and feel we can't keep up, or are constantly
running on empty, stress can lead to anxiety, depression and take a toll
on our minds and bodies,” commented Dr. Brown. "For children, this can
surface in many ways – trouble sleeping, frequent irritability,
aggressiveness with siblings, trouble in school, moodiness or frequent
illness are all common signs that something is not right and needs to be
explored.”
To
raise children of good character, a combination of guidance, freedom,
and support in the context of shared values should be provided. Most
21st century parents in America experience tension between their roles
as providers, parents and having adult lives, a phenomenon that is
widespread and not limited to one class or location. Reflection may be
valuable, even if parents are not sure if they are overbooking.
“For
most parents, laying the groundwork for their children’s happiness and
fulfillment is a top priority,” said Leigh Ann Errico, CEO and founder
of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation. “But it’s important that
families step back and assess the hours being devoted to various
activities on the never-ending list of possibilities. Downtime can be
time well-spent.”
Errico built Wear the Cape (www.facebook.com/wearthecape)
and established the foundation in 2013 after she came up short in her
search for resources on kindness and character-building that would
appeal to her own four children. The idea for the brand was sparked when
Errico observed that the chance to wear a cape—the organization’s
logo—motivates children to act like heroes, or “Cape Kids,” in order to
live up to the symbol of honor. Wear the Cape is currently developing a
school assembly that will show kids how they can make positive choices
and rise above challenges like bullying.
Dr.
Brown has partnered with Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation to
help parents nationwide foster good character in their kids. For
additional resources from Dr. Brown and to learn more about Wear the
Cape and the kidkind foundation, go to www.wearthecapekids.com.
About Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation
Wear
the Cape™ for all kidkind™ is the first global, mission-powered brand
with the nerve to equate being kind with being cool. By coaching kids to
be BETTER THAN THAT™, Wear the Cape breaks down barriers and brings
people together—a world of new values prevails: It’s cool to be
inclusive, tolerant and socially responsible. From its line of apparel
and accessories, to its educational tools and its own non-profit the
kidkind foundation, Wear the Cape sparks awareness and raises money to
build heroes, a kid at a time. Wear the Cape’s products and resources
are designed to create teachable moments between kids and the grown-ups
they look up to with Hero Tags that tee up conversations about what it
means to stand up and stand out; to stick up for the underdog; to do
what’s right, not what’s easy. Wear the Cape donates 10% of its net
profits directly to the kidkind foundation, and the rest is reinvested
in the design and production of new products, as well as
character-building educational materials for parents and teachers to
help the kids they love. Wear the Cape’s work with communities and
schools is helping mold everyday heroes that will create a kinder,
better world for us all.
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