By Richard Watts
“. . . and the Grinch
sneered down from his mountain above, I’ll infect Christmas in Whoville
and disguise it as love. The parents will help me, they won’t have a
clue. They’ll shop in line, and online, and when they are through,
their kids will complain, ‘Mom didn’t get it right,’ that Santa brought
Christmas, almost, but not quite. Then after the presents are spread
through the house, Mom will creep to her room timid as a mouse. With a
shrug of her shoulders she’ll fight back the tears, and resolve to work
overtime, and try harder . . . next year.”
There is a behavior fork
in the road for parents that begins at your child’s infancy. You must
choose. Placate your children now and pay later, or do the difficult
work now and celebrate later. Don’t fool yourself, your child won’t
know the difference. Children are unknowing participants in your
version of the perfect script, and that script began drafting itself in
your own childhood. Parenting is about breaking the chain . . .
allowing your own hurts and happiness to provide you the wisdom to guide
your children through their unique set of obstacles in search of
discovering their passion in life. It is only there, they will find
self-pride. Let them yearn, earn, and learn on their own. They will
love you for this gift.
Stop over-indulging your
kids! Leave them alone. Let them play. Imagination is the nuclear
fuel of the mind. Harness it and your kids will light up a world. Try
to contain or redirect it according to your design, and they
will melt down. Your kids are not a hobby. You need to equip them for
the tough journey ahead and that translates to standing by as a loving
witness to your child’s periodic unhappiness. Life is full of struggle,
disappointment, and setbacks. Was it your intention to be there for
every one? To make sure they didn’t stumble? In rehab they label that
codependency. When did we decide being our child’s best friend is more
important than teaching our kids the difficult lessons of life? Why
aren’t we strong enough as parents to accept that our children may not
like everything we teach them? It is time to push the little eaglets
out of the nest. Children are guests in your home anyway. And you will
never be more proud than when they spread their wings on their own and
begin to soar! Watching your children experience their own pride will
the greatest present you can ask for.
Be creative this year at Christmas. Practice having less. The most
helpful tool available in keeping your sanity in the presence of so many
“things,” is to practice not having. It hurts. And you may believe it will crush your kids. Were you crushed
as a child when you didn’t get something, or did it make you want it
more? Did you find a way to have it? Are you proud of finally getting
it? Don’t steal that same memory from your kid’s future. Kind of
Grinch-like, wouldn’t you say?
Instead of a gift receipt,
create an experience for your children this year. Entitling your
children usually stems from giving them “things.” Experiences are
safer. Invest in memories. That will require intentionality and more
of your time. You don’t have any more time, right? Did someone forget
to tell you parenting is often times exhausting and unappreciated?
Try this. Go buy ten
holiday fleece lap blankets. On sale they run about $3.00 each. Call a
retirement center in your area. Invite yourself to go there with your
kids. Have your kids unfold the blankets one at a time and place them
across the lap of an eighty-year-old woman who only sees her family once
a year, and tell her she matters. Put a blanket over the shoulders of a ninety-year-old man who flew jets in World War II, and tell him thank you.
Experience the joy of an elderly couple who, for a moment in seeing
your children’s youth, reminds them of a time long ago, and whose eyes
water with joy. Your children will see Christmas in their eyes. And
those they touch will see Christmas in your children. Trust me, I
started with ten blankets twelve years ago, and we give out over a
thousand each year. We call it Blessings and Blankets and the franchise is free.
Before you take away the
pain of your child’s struggle or misfortune, consider the benefit they
might receive from your willingness to listen, love, discuss, and
provide a memorable experience in lieu of handing over your wallet and a
carload of Christmas presents.
So remember the Grinch and
Whoville . . . “It isn’t about presents, or things, or roast beast.
It’s not who has the most . . . but who needs the least.”
Richard Watts is the author of Entitlemania: How Not to Spoil Your Kids, and What To Do If You Have, set for release on January 3, 2017 and currently available for pre-order via Amazon. Learn more at www.entitlemania.com
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