Parenting Pointers: Thriving as the Dad of a Child with Special Needs

Twenty-year special-needs parenting veteran Jeff Davidson co-founded Rising Above Ministries in 2005 with his wife, Becky, and wrote a field manual to give fathers the skills required for the day-to-day demands of parenting. That manual, Common Man, Extraordinary Call: Thriving as the Dad of a Child with Special Needs, is available on Amazon.com and Get It Local Today.

In the book, Jeff helps men discover God's new mission for their lives, giving specific details and practical instruction on how a man can: protect and defend, provide for, strengthen and equip his family. He offers rich, real-life examples from dads in the field, and warns of seven common landmines that pose a threat for most fathers. He also helps readers prepare for “civilian assault,” attacks special needs families often encounter from people who do not understand their struggle.

I had a chance to do an interview with Becky Davidson to learn more.

Why is there a need for a book targeted towards fathers of children with special needs?

Special needs dads face a myriad of challenges. Some of those include:

• Significant financial pressure from medical/therapy bills and seemingly endless doctor visits.
• Multiple hospitalizations or medical interventions for their child which increases stress on the family system as a whole.
• Isolation - A common byproduct of the special needs life because there are limited social and recreational options for our families. A simple night out at a restaurant is often impossible for a family with a child who is severely impaired or who becomes overwhelmed in social settings. 
• Social stigma - like it or not, we live in a world where people who are different are often bullied or judged more harshly than others. This rejection is felt by the entire family and dads often feel ashamed or cut-off from friends because of the stigma of having a child with special needs. Even churches, which should be an open door for these families, often reject them or do not make room for them.
• Strain on the marriage - the added challenges of having a child with special needs often puts significant strain on a marriage. To survive, a couple has to be very intentional and committed. This is a life you cannot live without a strong game plan and great dedication.

The pressures on special needs fathers are unique, significant, and noteworthy. To have a book designed to specifically address these challenges from a faith-centered perspective is essential and long overdue. Special needs dads need hope, encouragement, and help as they navigate this challenging but rewarding path.

Why is it important for men to have support if they have children with special needs?

The list of challenges above points to the unique hardships of living life as a special needs dad. The truth is, it is difficult for those in the typical world to comprehend the struggles our families face. Dads need a band of brothers who understand and can support them on the good days and at the crisis moments. For dads to have this camaraderie and fellowship - especially with other special needs dads, helps the whole family and may just save a marriage. We all need places where we feel safe and understood. Men, particularly, have more of a challenge developing these kinds of relationships and they must be encouraged. Common Man, Extraordinary Call does just that with practical suggestions and step by step encouragement.

A lot of people think about the challenges of raising a child with special needs, but what are some of the unique benefits?

There are rich benefits in raising a child with special needs. Often our children help us see what true courage is. They face untold challenges that require compassion and understanding which stretches the family to be more loving caring people. They teach us how to be in the moment, content with what “is”, and how to see from a different perspective. In a world that is sorely lacking in understanding and kindness, children with special needs create a petri dish for unconditional love to grow. They push us to be better and teach us more than we could ever teach them. It is an honor to be the parent of a special needs child!

Where can fathers go to find support if they have a child with special needs?

While tools for special needs fathers are limited, we have compiled some vital resources which may be of help along the way. You can find those resources listed with links to each service provider @  http://commonmanextraordinarycall.com/ (see vital resources)

In his book, Jeff also encourages and instructs dads on how to assemble a Band of Brothers with other local special needs fathers, dedicating a whole chapter to that specific goal. (see chapter 10)

Common Man, Extraordinary Call from Redefine This Life on Vimeo.