Parenting Pointers: Anxious Kids

Disclosure: I received complimentary products to facilitate this post. All opinions are my own.

Most kids have fears at some point. There are lots of different strategies to deal with them. Some kids are more anxious than others, and oftentimes the most anxious kids tend to have anxious parents - either the parents are worried because their kids are worried, or the parents are worried and the kids become worried because of the parents.

I'm lucky to have fairly confident kids, but they do have a few things that make them worry. One strategy we've found particularly effective is to let the fears run their course, guiding our children through processing them. One conversation that happened this summer was regarding my older daughter's fear of thunderstorms and tornados. So we asked her what, in particular, she was afraid of. The noise? No. The lightning? No. She was afraid our house would fall apart. So we asked her what would happen then. After she came up with the idea that we'd rebuild it, she asked what if we got hurt. So I asked her what she thought. After a little bit, she said we'd go to the hospital and get better. Then she pulled the biggie - what if one of us dies? So I let her think about that for a minute. Because we are Christian, she quickly said that if someone died they'd be in heaven, so we might miss them but then we'd see them when we died and we'd get to see God. Instead of downplaying her fears, this conversation helped her examine them, and realize that even though things might end up bad in a thunderstorm, we'd work through it as a family and make things better.

The book Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents has a wealth of additional information on this topic. The author, Reid Wilson, Ph.D., wants to help parents stop the worry cycle and raise children who are confident and courageous. Instead of focusing on every single here-and-now worry and trying to catch up with every little fear kids have, he helps parents focus on the big picture.

If you have anxious kids, I encourage you to check out the book, and the website Playing with Anxiety (which will be live by the end of August). It has a helpful Casey's Guide that is free to download and can be used for younger children, tweens, or teens.

Before I even read the book, I was doing some things along the lines of the author's perspective - our body uses anxiety to help us. In his words, "Anxiety is designed to serve us." But he goes on to say that if you have anxious kids, you need to shift the focus away from having anxiety dominate the picture, and towards empowering kids to use past experiences to build confidence, even in unfamiliar situations.