Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Book Nook: A Monster Like Me

I recently had a chance to review a new book out called A Monster Like Me that touches on compassion and bullying. In the book, a little girl with a blood tumor uses The Big Book of Monsters as a coping mechanism and a way to deal with the way she feels inside. It’s about a little girl who believes she is a monster because she has a blood tumor (hemangioma) on her face and is teased at school. 

The book is well-written - it was intriguing even to me as an adult, and inspired empathy for the main character. Kids will appreciate the blend of the fantastical imagination and the heartwarming conclusion to the book.

I had a chance to interview the author to learn more.

Why did you decide to write this book? 
As you may have read in the author’s note, the book has its roots in my real life experiences. I had a large hemangioma (blood tumor) on my face till I was 10. I really did have a lady with teenagers come up to me and my mom at the grocery store, point, and laugh, “Hey look kids! That kid doesn’t need a costume for Halloween, she’s already got one!” And a preschool teacher told the class I had the mark of the devil, and advised kids to stay away so they wouldn’t be infected by me. Kids were often cruel, but I think it was the adults that left the biggest scars. It made me wonder, what if I had believed these people when they called me a Monster. What if I hadn’t had amazing parents who assured me that I was human and worth loving. And that’s where the story grew from.

I relate to Sophie’s wish to hide, to her desire to rip the mark off her face. The realization that I was something other, something different from what was supposed to be normal. 

Like Sophie, I loved legends, myths, and fantastical creatures. I drew them, read about them, and covered my walls with posters of them. 

There is so much of me in this story, in every way that matters, Sophie is me. I tell kids at schools that, “A Monster Like Me, needs a friend like you.”

You can see a picture of me as a child with the hemangioma on my website www.wendyswore.com 

How can fiction be a good starting point for discussion with parents?
At my assemblies, I ask kids if they’ve ever felt alone, left out, or bullied for being different, and almost every hand goes up. These kids know what it’s like to be singled out, to feel unwanted or hated for things out of their control. This is a mirror book for these kids. They watch Sophie struggle to find her own self worth and value in a world that calls her a monster, and that gives them a voice to be able to say, I feel that way too. I’ve had kids after assemblies come up to me and whisper, “I have epilepsy.” Or “I had a mark too,” and they show me where they had their hemangioma’s or tell me whatever struggle they were born with. It is so important for them to see themselves in literature and be able to say, “I feel that way too.” Sophie’s journey is one of self acceptance. I hope kids will read and understand that if Sophie can love herself, then so can they.

What messages would you pass along to a child who is being bullied?
You are magnificent just the way you are! Find what you love and practice that skill. For me, I loved Tae Kwon Do, and art, and writing. For Sophie in the book, she loves magic and had practiced so she has smooth hands and can make things appear and disappear. Don’t let monsters in your life make you feel like you are less of a person. Don’t let the bullies define who you are. You are of infinite worth. And I am proud of you!

How can parents support and encourage their children if they're involved in a bullying situation?
As a parent, I too had a child who was bullied bad enough that I had to change schools so she could have a chance to thrive without being labeled an outcast. Having seen this mirror from both sides, I can say with confidence that it is harder to watch your child live through it than it is to live through it yourself. There is nothing worse than preparing a birthday party with all the trimmings and then watching the minutes click by—realizing no one is coming. That makes me tear up still—a decade later—after watching my child go through it. I called neighbors and friends and filled the party with any warm body I could. None of her classmates would come, but she ended that party knowing her neighbors and family loved her. The things my dad told me that helped was, Find what you love, and practice it. You have a right to defend yourself (he made sure I could fight if I had to), he praised my feeble efforts at writing and art, and gave praise enough to counter the hate I received from the world. My parents read to me, encouraged me to dream of what I wanted to do someday, and loved me with every fiber of their being. I knew that the world might rage, schools would come and go as we moved over and over, but my parents were a constant and they made sure I knew I was loved. 

Parents, I hear you. I know it’s hard. But you are the rock these kids will build their lives on. Hold strong, encourage, praise, and love. The dream you help your child imagine today will be the lifeline that gives them hope tomorrow. Give your kids a hug from me, and tell your kids they are amazing. You’ve got this. 


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