Parenting Pointers: Surrogacy

I had a chance to interview the Surrogacy Advocate and founder of The Biggest Ask MaryJane Carnahan. MaryJane is a surrogacy advocate - expert and the creator of The Biggest Ask, a platform dedicated to providing free resources to all types of family units interested in surrogate parenting.

• Why is surrogacy a good option for some families?

Surrogacy is an option for anyone or any couple who would like to have a baby and either shouldn’t or can’t get pregnant. There are a lot of people who fit this definition including gay men, women without a uterus (whether it be due to MKRH syndrome or to a hysterectomy), cancer survivors, women suffering from heart disease, women with a history of pregnancy complications or women suffering from infertility. 

• What are some misconceptions that people sometimes have about surrogacy?

The two major misconceptions about surrogacy is that women who become surrogates are desperate for money and that the intended parents who use surrogates are just trying to outsource the inconvenience of pregnancy. The reality of the situation is that in the USA, many surrogacy agencies ensure that surrogates are financially stable (e.g., not on government assistance in any form) and women hardly just do surrogacy just for the money. The money (which averages around $35,000 for a first time surrogate) is a nice bonus for them, but most of the women who become surrogates have been really touched by either the hard stories the intended mothers have gone through and/or have a passion to help gay men. It’s done mostly out of love.

From the intended parent’s perspective, especially among intended mothers, not being pregnant with their child is a source of pain. They want to carry their babies and not being able to do so takes a long time to mentally process for them. Surrogacy is not an easy decision for anyone.

• If a family is interested in exploring this option, how can they navigate the financial impact?

Navigating the financial impact takes a lot of patience and it is best to start earlier than later. For example, there are about 3 major cost components in any surrogacy arrangement: surrogate compensation, IVF to get the embryos and the surrogacy agency (if using one – they are not required). The first thing intended parents can do is to research IVF clinics with the most competitive IVF plans AND surrogate coordination fees. Most people don’t realize that clinics can charge a lot just with coordinating with a surrogate. The next thing is to carefully interview surrogacy agencies to see which ones are a best fit – both in terms of culture and fees charged. Surrogacy agencies charge anywhere from $10,000 to $40,000 in agency fees (sometimes even more). If intended parents start early enough, understand how surrogacy works and can find a family member or friend to be their surrogate, they can literally save tens of thousands of dollars.

• What are some legal things that families need to consider with surrogacy?

It is practically impossible to do surrogacy without hiring a surrogacy lawyer for both the intended parents and surrogate. Another misconception is that surrogacy lawyer fees are so high, but in surrogacy, relative to everything else, lawyer fees are not extravagant and are pretty much consistent across all lawyers and states (average ~$7,000 for all legal costs). There are a few basic legal facts about surrogacy that anyone interested in surrogacy should know. For one, it is generally the laws in the state in which the surrogate lives that matter, not the intended parents. Second, women living in Michigan and Louisiana should avoid becoming surrogates because the laws in that state make gestational surrogacy hard to do. Other than that, a surrogacy lawyer will be extremely helpful in helping both the intended parents and surrogate navigate the state laws regarding surrogacy. Intended parents have their own representation and the intended parents pay for legal representation for their surrogate.