Knowing how to extend a helping hand or ask for assistance when needed is one of the best ways to build trusting, collaborative and mutually beneficial relationships with colleagues, clients, family and friends. And yet, for far too many folks, “help fluency” remains elusive.
Go To Help from mother-daughter team Deborah Grayson Riegel and Sophie Riegel is a truly groundbreaking, easy-to-use guide that teaches concrete strategies to help readers get better at offering, asking for and accepting help — and explores the ways in which “help fluency” builds better relationships both professionally and personally.
In Go To Help, readers will learn how to:
- Offer help that inspires others to learn and grow
- Overcome emotional barriers to asking for help
- Manage when someone doesn’t accept your help
- Reject requests when you’re overloaded
- Ask specifically for the kind of help that’s actually useful
Plus, Go To Help introduces 31 effective help strategies, along with tips and tools for putting these new approaches to use.
I had a chance to learn more in this interview.
Why did you write this book?
When we published our previous book, "Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life," people were fascinated by the idea that we typically only have one way of helping. They asked us to explain what other ways they can help besides their go-to way. So, we wrote an entire book detailing 31 strategies that they can use not just to help others, but also to learn to accept help and ask for the help they need as well.
Why is it so hard for people to ask for or seek help?
Part of why it’s hard for people to ask for or seek help is because of a mindset that’s getting in their way. That mindset might be “I should be able to handle this on my own,” or “People will think I’m incompetent if I ask for help,” or “Everyone is too busy with their own stuff to help me.” I’m sure some of these mindsets might sound familiar. It is only when we change those beliefs about asking for help that we will actually be able to do it. In the book, we discuss the idea that people are wanting and waiting to help us. If that’s something we can think about next time we need help, it is much more likely that we will reach out.
It can be hard to accept help when it's offered - how can people still be there for those they're trying to support even if they won't accept help?
We have an entire chapter about what to do if someone doesn’t want your help. One important thing to note is that you can choose to listen to that other person’s request that you not help or you may not listen to it. If you choose not to listen, you need to be prepared for the relationship, reputation, and emotional consequences that may come as a result. We can also expand our definition of help. Most often, when someone doesn’t want our help, it means they don’t want us to tell them what to do or how to do it. But they may need other kinds of help. Maybe you could offer something different, like empathy, a non-judgmental ear, or helping them celebrate when they succeed on their own. There’s always a way to help. It just might not be how you planned or envisioned it.
How can people ask for help that is actually useful - especially if people have offered?
Be specific! Don’t fall into the trap of saying “hey, can you help me?” Make sure you are clear with your request and express exactly what you need. You can say something like “Would you help me prioritize my to-do list?” Or “Can you keep me company while I work so I can be held accountable?” And if you don’t know what kind of help you need, that’s ok too. You can ask someone “Can you help me figure out what kind of help I need?”
About the Authors
Deborah Grayson Riegel is a coach, speaker, author and consultant. She is also an instructor of Management Communication at the Wharton School of The University of Pennsylvania, and teaches Leadership Communication for Columbia Business School’s Women in Leadership Program. She is also on the faculty for Duke Corporate Education and regularly writes for Harvard Business Review.
Sophie Riegel is a student at Duke University. She is an author, mental health advocate and global speaker who champions and encourages conversations about mental health.
For more information, please visit www.GoToHelpBook.com, or visit the authors’ websites at www.deborahgraysonriegel.
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