Home Habits: Moving with Kids

  With 9.8% of Americans moving annually, there’s a good chance your readers are planning a move with children soon. Moving as a family can be difficult, especially during busy season in the summer. To avoid crying kids and an unnecessarily stressful move, use these tips to make your next move smooth.

• Involve them in the move by giving them a vote on their rooms or the next house you pick.
• Allow your child to personalize their new space.
• Plan ahead! You don’t want to tell your child last minute that their whole life is about to turn upside down.
• Find reasons to get them excited about the move.

I had a chance to learn more in this interview with A.J. Schneider, President of Wheaton World Wide Moving | Bekins Van Lines, the fourth largest long distance moving network in the country. 

Why is it important to involve kids in moves? 

Children have very little control over the world around them, which can leave them feeling lost. The one area most children likely feel control over is their bedroom. They get to decide where to put their toys and books, what character is on their bedspread, what athlete is on the posters on their walls, etc. Breaking the news to children that even their bedrooms will be changing can be a tough blow. However, when grown-ups involve children in the move, they help give back at least some of that sense of control. 

Several ways to involve children in the move include:

• Telling them about the impending move early in the process so they don’t feel blindsided.
• Giving them a vote, within reason, in the search for the new home.
• Encouraging them to visit their favorite settings around the old home to make final memories before they say goodbye.
• Finding reasons to get them excited about the move, such as a going away party, exciting stops during the road trip to the new home, planned trips back to visit, or maybe even a new pet.
• Bringing them along on visits to the new neighborhood or city so they start to feel ownership over the new place.
• Visiting tourist attractions near your new home to build their excitement.
• Allowing them to choose which bedroom will be theirs in the new house.
• Letting them personalize their new space by designing the layout of their bedroom and play areas.

How can parents and caregivers tell kids in age-appropriate ways about an upcoming move?

For grownups with very young children, toddlers to preschoolers, simply tell your child you’re all going on a new adventure. Explain you’ll be saying goodbye to your house and going to live in a new house. Since the most important relationship to this age group is with their caregivers, they’ll likely be the easiest to accept a move. Emphasize the exciting parts of the new home, city or preschool to get your child amped up for the move.

Caregivers of elementary school children can get the conversation about a move started by reading books about moving to their children. Some of our favorites are “Maria Finds Courage”  by Tony Dungy and Lauren Dungy, “Evelyn Del Rey is Moving Away” by Meg Medina, and “The Berenstain Bers’ Moving Day” by Stan and Jan Berenstain. If you have a child who’s very resistant to the move, you might pull out  “Alexander, Who’s Not (Do you hear me? I mean it!) Going to Move” by Judith Viorst, in which the main character grudgingly accepts the move and ends up in a good place. Remember to highlight exciting things about the new city to build positive thinking in your child.

Guardians of middle school children moving long distance may expect a tough time because this age group highly values relationships with peers. Sit your children down and explain the factors that lead you to the decision to move. Make sure you note any and all ways you’ve considered the impact on your children, so they know you value their feelings. Empathy is key. Note that caregivers should be very careful about offering a sense of choice in the decision to move if they can’t offer that choice. If you must move, never ask your child, “Do you want to move?” If their answer is no, and you move anyway, they’ll feel ignored. Rather, offer options to your child you can follow through on, such as, “Would you like to go with me to visit the new city and help choose our new home?”

Grownups with teenagers should treat them as peers in some respects, such as involving them in the moving discussion before it’s a done deal. Teenagers can follow the logic and understand the reasoning behind a move. That said, recognize that your teenager’s hormones already have their emotions swinging wildly. Check in with them often to discuss their thoughts and feelings, and model helpful behaviors, for example, “I’m so sad to be leaving my best friend here. We’ve been talking about how to stay in each other’s lives after the move – right now we’re thinking Sunday brunch Facetime dates.”

 

If kids are having a hard time with the transition, what are some things families can do to make it a bit easier?

Even after following every online tip about moving with children, you can still expect children to be sad about leaving their friends, their sports teams, their schools, and their old lives behind. 

What you can do:

• Let them talk about the places, people, and activities they miss, and share your feelings about the move with them to make them feel less alone. 
• Spend time together as much as possible so you’re the throughline before and after the move.
• Help your children keep family and friends from the old home in their lives. Social media brings dangers for children, but it can also be a great tool for staying in touch over long distances. Discuss online expectations with your children and monitor their activity.

 

What can families do after the move to make it easier to transition to the new home?

The more quickly you can enroll your child in school, sports, and other activities, the better. Getting involved in your community is the best way to make new friends and build your child’s peer group. 

Set aside time in the first few months to act like a tourist – visit attractions like zoos, sports stadiums, parks, pools, and museums to start feeling like you belong in the new city. Any activity that includes exercise is great since it will produce endorphins to keep you happy and healthy.

Start a garden with your children! If you live in an apartment without land, place some herbs in your kitchen window. If you have a full-fledged yard, start small and slowly grow your garden! This will help you feel connected to your space and offer built-in outdoor activity in your new space.