Can you die from having too much sex? That’s the question Dr. Michael King, a well-respected dentist in New York, asks in Dad Spelled Backward: A Journey Through the Maze of Love, Marriage, and Adoption. Mike had never thought much about getting married and becoming a father, but all that changed when, in his fifties, he met Gabriella, his lovely (and much younger) French wife. Together they decide to try to become parents, and they do all they can to make a baby—to the point where Mike wonders if one can die from too much sex.
This candid account by a husband and father is insightful, moving, fiercely funny—and ultimately a testament to unconditional love. Mike tells his story of how, wanting to make his wife happy after realizing that they couldn’t successfully conceive a child, he reluctantly agrees to move on to the next phase of potential parenthood—adoption.
Unfortunately, domestic adoption is often a long, costly process that takes couples on a roller-coaster ride from hope to despair and back again. Mike recounts how he and Gabriella were connected with one pregnant woman after another until they were finally given a baby, only to have to give the infant back when the birth mom changed her mind. This left them so emotionally drained that they had to decide whether the price of becoming parents was too high and whether it was time to give up.
Such heartbreak might have driven other couples apart, but Gabriella and Mike only became closer; their love for one another grew even stronger, and they did at last get to be parents. “I hope this book inspires people who want to, or are considering whether to, become parents,” Mike says. “We all face obstacles in life, but if love prevails, it’s worth the struggle.”
I had a chance to interview him to learn more.
Why did you write this book?
I wanted people to know, especially those wanting a child but having difficulty, or those who are unsure about bringing one into this world, that once you do it, the love you will experience makes it all worthwhile.
Why is it important to have books on parenting written from a father's perspective?
I grew up thinking dads worked, provided, and played with the kids when they had time. We thought that it was up to the moms to provide most of the parenting. All that's changed. Men are no less caring, nurturing or loving than their partners. We're not stronger, more independent, or more decisive. In fact, I believe women are. Growing up, we never said I love you in our house, not until I told my dad when I was 30. From then on, we said it every time we spoke or saw each other. From the moment our child came into our lives, I realized the most important thing you can do for your child is to never stop saying "I love you". I hope my story demonstrates our vulnerability and capacity to love.
How can reading the stories of a journey to parenthood help other families, wherever they are on their parenting journey?
We can take different journeys to parenting.Even if that path is long, circuitous or seemingly hopeless, stick to it, do whatever it takes to get there, you won't regret it. Ours was an incredible journey and I want parents or potential parents to see, that no matter how difficult it was, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
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