We ask a lot of college students. The message they hear is: Keep your grades up in an academic environment that’s more demanding and stressful than it’s ever been. Do this while navigating a minefield of threats that plague your generation to an unprecedented degree: depression and anxiety, substance misuse, smartphone and social media addiction, and more. At the same time, have fun. Oh—and while you’re at it—don’t forget to figure out and further exactly what it is you want to do with your life!
No pressure, right?
It’s this emphasis on this last piece—the belief that students should know their purpose—that concerns the University of Mississippi’s Dr. Ethel Scurlock. She says students need parents, educators, and other adults to support them through these tough years…and to reassure them that purpose is a journey they’re on (and they may be only at the start).
“When you’re 18, 19, 20 years old, your purpose is often to live through the moment, access everything you can from all the people you can, and trust that your gifts, skills, and your experiences—the ups and the downs—are going to be used in a serviceable way,” says Dr. Scurlock, a featured guest on The Mayo Lab Podcast with David Magee, which serves as a single source of research-based guidance for parents, educators, and students. (Listen at https://themayolab.com and on
Students often get distracted, discouraged, or upset because it can seem like everybody else knows what they want to do, and to the outside observer, they appear to be doing it well, says Dr. Scurlock, who is dean of the Sally McDonnell Barksdale Honors College at the University of Mississippi, associate professor of English and African American Studies, and senior fellow of the Luckyday Residential College. In reality, many, if not most, students struggle in some way.
“The pressure is very real for college students,” says Dr. Scurlock. “Assignments and deadlines come at you nonstop. There’s never a break. It does them a disservice to take this lightly. We need to take an honest and sincere look at how the world has changed for young people today and the impact it makes on them.”
Podcast host and student wellbeing activist David Magee agrees.
“When I talk to high school and college students about the risks of substance misuse, they always talk about being overwhelmed by hectic schedules and the heavy demands placed on them,” he says. “The college years are about facing those challenges and developing the resilience that will serve them for the rest of their lives, but they’ll always benefit from the support and wisdom of caring adults along the way.”
Here are some ways parents, educators, and other adults can support college students:
Get struggling students help—quickly. The first few months of college can be particularly challenging. There’s a rapid-fire learning curve as students learn to navigate educational platforms like Blackboard, adjust to complicated schedules and deadlines, and manage hefty course loads. If your child needs help, don’t delay asking for it—the quicker they get it, the more successful the rest of the school year will go.
“Understandably, a child from an affluent school district or private academy may initially have a leg up on students from less-affluent areas who were still handwriting papers in high school,” says Dr. Scurlock. “If you have never had to use any platform, and all of a sudden, you’re using all of these platforms, it is scary, and it can make a student feel like they’re ready to drop out. When someone is having trouble keeping up, we let them know it’s okay to need help, and we connect them to resources to help them succeed.”
Teach them to manage their calendars. This is a crucial life skill, especially today, agree Magee and Dr. Scurlock. Parents may not understand how chaotic it can be to juggle classes, tests, deadlines, and all the other events that make up a student’s life. This is why it’s crucial for students to learn to record important dates, meetings, events, and deadlines in their calendars.
“If I could give incoming college freshmen one piece of advice, it would be to learn to use the calendar feature on their smartphone,” says Magee. “They might laugh, but I tell them that thing will save you and it can also transform you.”
Keep the doors of engagement open wide. Always be communicating with your student. Continually reach out and pay attention to their progress. Are they attending classes? How are their grades? By paying attention to what’s happening with the student and their classes, you can catch a student who needs help early on, connect them to resources, and help them succeed.
“We try to always engage,” says Dr. Scurlock. “I do a weekly Dean’s message where I talk about some of the issues students are dealing with and connect them to resources on campus. I make sure when students come to my office, they know they are not coming in because they failed or will be punished, but because we are going to help them create a success plan.”
Let them know crying nights and midnight reckonings are normal. Most people don’t broadcast their hardships to the world. For example, social media is a “highlight reel,” a curated show that doesn’t reveal a person’s low points. This disconnect can make a young adult believe that they are the only one having a tough time. Dr. Scurlock says we need to normalize the truth that everyone struggles—and more importantly, that there’s always a way forward.
“We have to do better about sharing that most narratives are not straight; they are up and down,” says Dr. Scurlock. “We make a lot of mistakes, and we have a lot of crying nights and a lot of midnight-hour reckonings. There’s scripture that reads, ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.’ The question is, how long is the night? Sometimes the night is for months; sometimes it is for years. And we need to be more honest about that.”
Encourage students to sharpen their focus on what they care about most… It can be tempting for students to try to excel in everything. In fact, many students who attend college are, by nature, professional “box checkers,” observes Dr. Scurlock. Instead, she advises young people to whittle down their interests to those they care about most and learn to do those things well. “Deeper is often better than wider,” says Dr. Scurlock. “I encourage students to find the things that they really do well and focus on those things.”
“A wise friend once gave me some great advice,” adds Magee. “They said, ‘Think about the two or three things you want to accomplish in a year. If you could do those few things well with your talent, it will far outshadow doing many things in a mediocre way.’ You don’t have to do and be all things. And there’s real freedom once you let go.”
…and not to let FOMO rule their life. You will get an opportunity to do most of the things you might miss out on again at some point, says Dr. Scurlock. So, don’t agonize too much when you have to say no to an opportunity. One day you will have another opportunity to say yes.
Help students connect their purpose to their joy. Young people want sustainable joy more than anything else. But most adults don’t spend much time or effort helping them see how to achieve that. Parents and educators today must become joy leaders, helping children unlock and keep the joy they want and deserve, says Magee. You can do this by encouraging children to pursue their passions, rather than dictating their futures to them. Following their joy can guide them to discovering their purpose.
“Tell your children or your students, ‘Be who you are,’” adds Dr. Scurlock. “As parents, we have to step back and let them be in charge of their lives.”
Sometimes a student’s purpose is simply to find their purpose, says Dr. Scurlock.
“Even students who look like they know what they want to do with their lives may not really know, or don’t understand the depth of their calling,” she says. “What’s most important is doing the best you can at the level you’re on. And if you do well on that level, it’s going to open the door to the next thing.”
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About Dr. Ethel Scurlock:
Dr. Ethel Scurlock is dean of the Sally McDonnell Barksdale Honors College at the University of Mississippi, associate professor of English and African American Studies, and senior fellow of the Luckyday Residential College. Dr. Scurlock became a faculty member at the university in 1996 and has taught honors courses for over 16 years. Prior to being named dean, she also was the director of African American Studies.
Dr. Scurlock is a native of Memphis and earned her B.A. in English from the University of Tennessee and M.A. and Ph.D. from Bowling Green State University of Ohio. She has published numerous articles and reviews of African American literature in signal publications. Her excellence in teaching is notable, having been named the College of Liberal Arts Teacher of the Year in 2003, UM Humanities Teacher of the Year, and the Elsie M. Hood Outstanding Teacher Award in 2011. A 2013-2014 SEC Academic Leadership Development Program Fellow, Dr. Scurlock also has been recognized by the Mississippi House of Representatives for her work to promote diversity.
About David Magee:
David Magee is the best-selling author of Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis and Dear William: A Father’s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love, and Loss—a Publisher’s Weekly bestseller, named a Best Book of the South, and featured on CBS Mornings—and other nonfiction books. A changemaker in student and family mental health and substance misuse, he’s the creator and director of operations of the William Magee Institute for Student Wellbeing at the University of Mississippi and a frequent K–12 and university educational and motivational speaker, helping students and parents find and keep their joy. He hosts The Mayo Lab Podcast with David Magee, available at https://themayolab.com and on Apple and Spotify podcast platforms, a one-of-its-kind program for parents aimed at helping students and families find lasting wellbeing. He’s also a national recovery advisor for the Integrative Life Network. Learn more at www.daviddmagee.com.
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