The weather is warmer, and the days are longer. Snow boots are traded in for jogging, running, soccer, tennis, or golf shoes. Hockey skates are stored away and baseball and/or softball cleats dusted off. The parks, streets and sidewalks are jammed with enthusiastic exercisers. These are perfect conditions for enjoying the outdoors. Let’s all get sweaty and deal with that wetness wearing our SwampButt Underwear™! What could possibly mare such a nice day? Probably a lot of things, so let’s narrow it down to way too long shoelaces.
When Longer Is Not Better
Shoe manufacturers make the laces that accompany their products extra-long, which would be okay if there was a good reason for it. The most plausible possibility was that the shoemakers cut costs by only making a single size lace, though this was pure speculation.
Research of the Google found no citations from those same makers of footwear regarding the need to overachieve with shoelace length. But there was plenty written, published and posted on the subject. Larry David even did one of his shows on ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ about extra-long shoelaces (Season 8 episode 6, ‘The Hero.’) “All the best advice about life and interpersonal relationships comes from that show,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and hermit, Nick Heraldson. “Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm are the touchstones of how to navigate life.”
Workplace Safety Gap
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration or OSHA has numerous regulations about shoes and footwear for the workplace. (OSHA is the part of the U.S. government that makes the rules for and defines what is and is not safe for any worker in the United States). “There were plenty of rules for the types of shoes and boots that were deemed acceptable for the modern worker,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and frequent tardy, Nick Heraldson. “The types of shoes and what did or did not constitute slip resistance, open toes, open heels, for farms, shipyards, manufacturing sites, schools, churches, theaters, retail locations, promenades and any place where work met walking were well documented. But nothing about laces.”
DNA Strands and Shoelaces
While the U.S. government turned a mostly blind eye to the dilemma of laces, someone really smart made a study of it. “When you talk about knotted structures, if you can start to understand the shoelace, then you can apply it to other things, like DNA or microstructures, that fail under dynamic forces,” said Christopher Daily-Diamond, graduate student at the University of California-Berkeley. Using a slow-motion camera and a series of experiments, the researchers assessed a pair of running shoes that were laced-up and were on a treadmill.
They found that shoelace knot failure happens in a matter of seconds, triggered by a complex interaction of forces, as when running, the foot strikes the ground at seven times the force of gravity. In addition, the study showed that some laces might be better than others for tying knots, but the fundamental mechanics causing them to fail is the same. “The interesting thing about this mechanism is that your laces can be fine for a really long time, and it’s not until you get one little bit of motion to cause loosening that starts this avalanche effect leading to knot failure,” said Christine Gregg, graduate student at the University of California-Berkeley.
The Solution is Replacement
The only way to deal with this is to replace those way too long laces with another pair. “Shoelaces are available just about anywhere,” Heraldson concluded. “I get mine at the local grocery store.” When asked why he did not consider a shoe store for laces Heraldson replied, “I said almost anywhere.”
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company that makes a product that helps solve a problem. SwampButt Underwear is specifically formulated to help fight against the affliction known as visible butt sweat, or simply ‘Swamp Butt.’ SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the United States and foreign countries. We paid a lot for the trademark, so please do not use it without written permission. To see everything SwampButt Underwear offers, please visit the SwampButt virtual store.
References
Scientists finally know the science behind why shoelaces come loose so quick
ByIndo Asian News Service, New York Apr 12, 2017 09:01 PM IST
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