For those living in abusive or dysfunctional situations, unfortunately the holidays can be an anxiety and trauma filled time. For me, growing up in an abusive, alcoholic home, while other kids in school were looking forward to time off and being with their families, I would dread the thought of being stuck home with my father. The holidays only reminded me how alone I was. Many children like myself will look for any means to escape this reality. As a result, thoughts of running away and suicide will occupy a lot of thought space during the holidays. This is why so many people do get depressed this time of year.
The first thing I want to share is that although you might feel like you’re alone, you are not! Even though everybody at school or work is talking about what a great time they have during the holidays, the reality is that at least 1 out of every 5 children in our country is the child of an alcoholic. And 1 out of every 5 adults grew up in an alcoholic home. A large portion of our nation have been or are currently being abused. You are definitely not alone!
No matter how many times an abuser tells their victim it’s their fault, nobody brings being abused on themselves. It has nothing to do with the victim. An abuser abuses their children or other adults because they are an abuser. If you’re in school, speak to your school’s social worker or guidance counselor. They might have ideas and ways to help you that you didn’t realize. Try to join self-help groups for abuse victims or for those living in alcoholic or drug abuse homes. I gained a tremendous amount of support and growth in a support group. Therapy can also be a fantastic tool of learning to prevent any future abuse from anybody else. If you are a parent living in an abusive situation your first and most important step is to get yourself and your children away from the abuser. If you’re a family member who is witnessing abuse, please step up and rescue those children from being abused. Every day that goes by does that much more damage to them. Even talking to a member of the clergy can be helpful hearing their experiences and suggestions, as well as resources they might have to help you protect yourself and your family.
As with Christmas and Chanukah where we talk about love, sacrifice and miracles, if you are the one with the addiction/abusive problem you can show your love for your family by getting help immediately. If you are the non-abusing parent, you can show sacrifice by putting your children first and getting yourself and them away from your abuser, whether it be having them leave or you and your children leaving and staying somewhere else. Pray for the ability to do what you have to do, the strength always comes. Once separated from abuse and getting mental help, it’s amazing the miracles that happen!
Steve Simpson is a New York media veteran and nationally recognized, award-winning child advocate.
Steve is motivated by his own abusive childhood to give support to young people across the nation. He hopes that by sharing his story he can create awareness for mental health and substance abuse and the destructive impact it has on children in the home.
Steve has also created The Teenage and Young Adult Survival Handbook -- a small, life-saving guide that is included in all four of his YA adventure novels, which he wrote as a way to escape from all the drama and abuse of his childhood. The guide covers many of the issues plaguing young people today—suicide, bullying, physical abuse, verbal abuse, self-worth, being the child of an addict, living in a dysfunctional home, surviving school and more.
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