Why Saying Please & Thank You 10,000 Times Can Make a Difference (And Why Writing Thank-You Notes Should Be a Family Goal in 2025)
Written by award-winning author, Carew Papritz
Over the years, I’ve had many conversations with parents who ask me, “What’s the secret to being a great parent?” And my response is often, “There’s a secret? No one told me.” (I guess that’s why it’s a secret.) But honestly, after all the parenting advice I’ve encountered, I’ve come to realize there’s no great hidden secret to great parenting. Instead, it’s simply this: Walk your talk.
As an adult and a parent, I still find it fascinating to watch children as they absorb everything their parents say and do. They are constantly trying to understand, imitate, challenge, and even reject what they see, all while testing their own boundaries. I admire how hard they try to look engaged, even when their eyes are clearly somewhere else.
My personal motto is simple: “Do first, ask questions later, and always walk your talk.”
One of the most important lessons I believe in is the power of saying please and thank you. There’s no better way to instill gratitude in your children than by modeling it yourself, repeating those simple phrases 10,000 times a week until it becomes second nature.
The goal isn’t just for your kids to say “please” and “thank you,” but for them to mean it. And that only happens when you lead by example. You show gratitude consistently, and over time, they begin to do the same. It’s an incredible moment when you see your child spontaneously expressing thanks on their own—a true indication that you’ve entered the Parenting Hall of Fame.
One of the most meaningful ways to express gratitude is through writing a thank-you note. Some say it’s a lost art, but I believe it’s a timeless gesture of appreciation that’s just as powerful today as ever. There’s a big difference between receiving a thank-you text or email and getting a handwritten note that’s genuinely heartfelt.
Why is a thank-you letter so special? It’s real. It’s made of paper, and paper holds time. The time you took to craft your words is embedded in that paper, which can be touched, held, and saved for years. A letter is something tangible, a memento that stays with the recipient.
A thank-you letter isn’t an email, a text, or a quick message sent electronically. It’s something more personal because it requires your time. And time is the most precious gift we can give someone. When someone holds a thank-you letter, they’re not just holding a piece of paper—they’re holding your time, your effort, and your appreciation. That’s a gift that can’t be easily replicated.
How hard is it to teach your child this act of gratitude? It’s simple. All you need to do is sit down with your child and write a thank-you letter together. When they see you doing it, they’ll understand its significance. Explain the importance of a handwritten note and how it makes others feel valued. Encourage your child to draw pictures or add a personal touch to the letter—it’s a wonderful way to make the experience fun and memorable.
The easiest place to start is with thank-you notes for gifts, like after birthdays or holidays. As your child gets older, you can expand on this idea and teach them to write thank-you letters for other acts of kindness, like when someone helps them out unexpectedly.
In the chaos of modern life, a handwritten note stands as a rare, meaningful token of appreciation—one that an impersonal text can never convey. It’s a beautiful way to slow down and reconnect with the power of gratitude. It reminds us all—parents and children alike—of the importance of taking a moment to express thanks.
This year, let’s share the best version of our gratitude with our children. Let’s say please and thank you a million times over, modeling appreciation in every way we can. And let’s take it a step further by writing thank-you letters together, teaching our kids the powerful impact of expressing gratitude with words. It’s not a secret. And it’s certainly not a secret that parents can teach their children the timeless practice of giving thanks through a handwritten note.
Carew Papritz is the award-winning author of The Legacy Letters. He is also a literary advocate
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