Parenting Pointers - Opt-Out Is Over: How I Build a Digital FENCE Around My Kids - And Why You Should Too

 —By Abby Brody, mom, educator, digital parenting pioneer and unapologetic tech optimist 

I still remember the day we installed a fence around our backyard here in Connecticut. My boys were finally old enough to chase butterflies without me sprinting after them like Usain Bolt. That wooden barrier wasn’t about shielding them from the block; it was about gifting them independence and freedom - freedom to dig up worms, fall off the slide, and walk back inside covered in triumphant dirt. 

But I also acknowledge another playground in my children’s lives. It is hard to ignore this one. The internet powers their homework, their friendships, even their sense of identity. 

We cannot ignore the digital playground that they also play in. Shutting it down is wishful thinking: there’s just no denying that these technologies will play a huge role in their adult lives. 

But let’s be clear, the online world is also a hotbed of dangers that include predators, misinformation, and addictive design. This world is much scarier. So let’s take a leaf out of our own book, and let’s build a fence that will allow kids to explore with independence in a SAFE way. 

I call it FENCE, and it’s the backbone of my free book How to Raise a Cyborg and the free mini e-course AI Is for Parents Too. Why free? Because that’s how I roll. Children’s safety should never hide behind a paywall. Before I hand you those five posts and a gate, let me walk you through the urgency that pushed me to pick up the hammer and build it. 

Why a Fence Beats an Off-Switch 

In 2024, Common Sense Media clocked tweens at an average of five and a half hours of daily recreational screen time. Pew Research found nearly half of teens online “almost constantly.” The American Psychological Association warns that scrolling past the three-hour mark doubles anxiety and depression risk. And a recent Johns Hopkins study links bedroom devices to academic slumps - turns out learning TikTok dances won’t solve anything for x. 

I am not okay with those numbers, and if you’re reading this, neither are you. That’s why I poured the research, my teaching background, and a healthy dose of mom-level pragmatism into something families can remember without a spreadsheet. 

The FENCE Framework 

A strong fence keeps dangers out; it doesn’t lock kids in. Here’s how I build mine:

● F – Filter 

● Enable parental controls, safe-search, and age ratings on every device. ● Keep screens where you can casually glance: kitchen island beats bedroom cave. ● Rename the router to HomeworkOnly5G and bask in the eye-rolls. 

● E – Engage 

● Co-view, co-play, co-laugh. Ask, “Show me the meme that cracked you up.” ● Celebrate good tech: “Minecraft lets you design cities - what did you build?” ● Your curiosity lowers their guard better than any spy app. 

● N – Negotiate 

● Draft a family screen treaty everyone signs, even the dog 

● Label apps green-, yellow or red-light. 

● Decide consequences before conflict so you enforce rules, not rage. 

● C – Check-ins 

● Spend sixty seconds a day scrolling new follows, chats, and settings together. ● Hold a weekly “digital feelings” chat: what made you smile, what felt icky? ● Snacks turn interrogations into conversations. 

● E – Educate 

● Teach phishing and fake-news spotting using real screenshots. 

● Model downtime: phone-free dinners, no-tech hour before bed - yes, parents too. ● Remind them: the internet is a library, not just a stage. 

How I’m Rolling This Out for the New School Year 

Every August, my calendar morphs into a chaotic collage of supply lists, bus schedules, and last-minute shoe shopping for my picky teen and tween. Right beside those tasks, I pencil in a digital once-over. While we’re labeling notebooks, I’m also checking device settings, refreshing passwords, and updating our family screen treaty so it reflects the new realities of the grade ahead - hello, first smartphone, goodbye parental bliss. 

I treat the first Sunday of each month like routine maintenance: gutters, smoke-alarm batteries, digital fence. If something has broken or a new app somehow slipped into the mix, we patch the hole together. And because children don’t live in isolation, I share the framework with anyone who cares for my kids - teachers, coaches, grandparents. A group chat of informed adults beats one mom shouting into the algorithmic void. 

A Heart-to-Heart With Fellow Parents

If you’re overwhelmed, I’m right there with you. I study this stuff for a living, and last week my eleven-year-old taught me three new Roblox slang terms. But here’s the data point that keeps me grounded: parents remain the single most influential factor in a child’s tech habits. Our kids notice whether we doom-scroll at dinner or park the phone to make eye contact. They mirror it. 

Digital literacy now sits alongside swimming lessons and seatbelts as a non-negotiable life skill. Our parents figured out VCR programming; I think we can tackle Screen Time settings! So exhale, and remember that perfection is impossible. Consistency, curiosity, and a sturdy fence are plenty. 

Ready to Build? 

Download the free FENCE checklist at abbybrody.com, then snap a photo of your signed family treaty and tag it #BuildTheFENCE on my Instagram. Share this article with the friend who still thinks airplane mode is armor. Because the safest digital playground is a neighborhood that builds its fences - together. 

And if you want deeper guidance, my free book and e-course are waiting for you, no credit card required. Ever. My mission is simple: empower parents so kids can explore, learn, and stay wonderfully, wildly curious—on-screen and off. 

Gate’s open. Let’s play.