By Yonatan Levoritz, Founding Attorney – Levoritz Law Firm
Marriage establishes a new mindset. The couple, now united under a marriage covenant, shares a vision of the future in which they will face life’s challenges together.
Divorce dissolves the vision along with the relationship. It forces each member to reacclimate to life on their own, triggering a process that often carries with it intense financial and emotional challenges.
For those navigating the early phases of divorce or facing the eventuality of a marriage dissolving, the following are some steps that can help get you through the challenging first 12 months.
Take time to grieve your marriage
Couples will often say they are getting divorced because they no longer love each other. Another way to express that sentiment is to say the person they are married to is no longer the person they fell in love with. If the person with whom you exchanged your marriage vows is “gone,” then grieving is an important step to take.
The emotional struggles many people face when going through a divorce are very similar to those experienced when losing a loved one to death. The major difference with divorce is the former loved one is still present and, in some cases, causing aggravation. The grieving process, which typically cycles through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, can help you leave a former spouse in the past and move forward with the new reality of your life.
One thing to be careful to avoid when you grieve your marriage is the tendency to get stuck in denial. Some marriages can be saved, but some can’t. If factors indicate the marriage can’t be maintained, holding on to hope won’t be healthy. Leaving denial behind and moving toward acceptance will help you have the footing you need to face the challenges that come with divorce.
Let the professionals help you
Divorce, especially in the first 12 months, involves big emotions, things like shock, guilt, anger, and anxiety. Navigating those emotions is extremely difficult. Having the professional help a therapist provides can be extremely helpful for figuring out what went wrong as well as how to move forward in a healthy way.
Your attorney is another professional who can help you to navigate the process. Allow them to leverage their expertise to represent you in the best possible way.
As you evaluate the attorneys available to represent you, focusing on experienced, people-centered divorce attorneys is extremely important. A people-centered divorce lawyer will walk you through the process and guide you around pitfalls, making sure you know what to expect at each point along the way. You want an attorney who goes beyond simply managing the case in a detached way to also address the stress of the divorce in a constructive manner.
An experienced professional will be able to tell you when grief is controlling your actions. As you listen to them, you’ll be able to avoid the self-destructive behavior grief can often trigger.
Don’t minimize the financial challenges of divorce
Financial demands can quickly increase as the divorce begins to play out. The couple often must shoulder the cost of two households along with the added expenses of litigation. The changes can be especially devastating when couples who have built their lives on a financial partnership.
For those anticipating a divorce, financial planning is critical. You will need to secure money for legal counsel, experts, appraisals, and living expenses.
Once divorce proceedings begin, financial negotiations become the job of the counsel. A person’s attorney should seek to help plan and provide not only for the 12 months after divorce, but for a lifetime.
Stay active
Divorce can easily lead to depression. Staying active can keep depression at bay. Focusing on the other things that make up your life — work, family, fitness, hobbies — can keep your mind from constantly wandering to your concerns about the divorce.
Surviving the emotional and financial challenges you’ll face in the first 12 months following a divorce requires being proactive. Taking steps to grieve your marriage, secure the help of professionals, and stay active can help you establish the foundation you’ll need to make it through.
– Yonatan Levoritz is the founding attorney of Levoritz Law Firm, admitted to the New York bar in March 2005. From the outset, he pursued a different path — rejecting the conveyor-belt model of legal practice and instead embracing a holistic, client-centered approach that treats every case with equal care and attention, no matter its size. Over his career, he has focused primarily on matrimonial and family law, developing a reputation for taking on challenging and high-asset divorce and custody cases, including appeals and complex property-division matters.
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