Parenting Pointers: Are you a Fair Judge Parent?

Back in the 1960s, clinical psychologist Diana Baumrind developed 4 distinct parenting styles which she believed had a direct effect on a child's behavior. Understanding these 4 archetypes and understanding the potential benefits and consequences of them, might just give parents who are struggling with their children's behaviors, a chance to change their parenting behavior patterns in a way that helps their child's challenging and often self-damaging behaviors improve.

I've taken the liberty to rename these archetypes slightly to make them more understandable in 2022:

• The Fair Judge
• The Dictator
• The Permissive Parent
• The Absent Parent

The first thing to consider is that children mimic what they are taught. That is the most basic principle of learning. Considering this, it's important to clearly understand your behavior as a parent because whether you intend it or not, your child is watching and learning. Generally speaking, parents rarely dream of their child becoming a dictator, permissive or being absent when needed, so be careful that you aren't modeling that behavior.

This thought leads us to the fourth Architype. The most time-consuming, demanding and challenging of the four, but also the one that undeniably shows the best results. The Fair Judge parent is exactly like the fair judge in court. Time is spent compassionately listening to all sides, cross-examining, collecting facts, and considering past behavior. A Fair judge parent then gathers all this information and makes a judgment call not based on emotions, biases, or subjective opinions but rather on honestly collected and well-examined information. The Fair Judge parent makes their decision and sticks with it, modeling sticktoitiveness and discipline.

Unlike The Permissive Parent, The Fair Judge parent isn't afraid of getting a bad review from their child. Unlike the Dictator or the Absent Parent archetypes, the Fair Judge parent can be confident with their well-informed decision and are consistent with their parenting.

Although there are never any guarantees in life or parenting, The Fair Judge parent is the most likely one to see the benefits of their hard work in their child’s positive behaviors.

Give it a try.

Elizabeth Jordan is a behavioral analyst who earned both a Master of Fine Arts and a Master of Science degree while simultaneously raising five children. She was an artist in residence at the Museum of Art and Design and will soon be opening a center to offer job training, art, music and movement to children and adults with autism. She has worked closely with renowned fashion designer Donna Karan, with Elizabeth’s work represented at all of Karan’s nonprofit Urban Zen Centers. Elizabeth’s upcoming NSFW picture book, Don't Be A Pusi: An Inappropriate and Politically Incorrect Book for Entitled Teens and Their Traumatized Parents, will break down the dangers of permissive parenting.